Pride in my friend

I have been writing a lot of negative entries lately, due to melancholy streak I have been experiencing lately.  This entry seeks to change this up.  Positive and praising posts are just too rare on this blog.

While talking to Ashley H. about people who are proud of me, or rather a lack thereof, she asked me if I was proud of any of my friends.  The question caught me off guard, as I had never thought of having pride in my friends before.  I mulled the question over in my mind before coming up with an unlikely answer. 

There is pride to be had in this friend because of the way he changed.  He reaffirms my belief in the plasticity humanity and gives me hope that I can continue to change as well.  Thinking about how he has grown gives me pause.

Eric

Back in high school, I used to make fun of Eric for having no personality.  He was always the nice guy who was content on just going with the flow. Even though I had no vested interest in his ambitions, it inexplicably bothered me that he had none.  I just could not understand how someone could be so passive and yet be so content. 

Sometime in college, that all changed when Eric joined some business fraternity.  He started wanting to change things because he was unsatisfied with how they were.  In the beginning, the ambition was weak, he used to tell me a laundry list of problems about his fraternity, but when it came to solutions he was never willing to put in the effort.  As time went by, that gradually changed.  Eric took up increasingly more important leadership roles within his fraternity leading to bigger commitments and achievements. Whenever I saw Eric back at home, he seemed a little more confident, standing a just that little bit taller each time.

Most impressive of all is how Eric managed to do it all his own way.  He did not turn into a dick or fake as so many do when they take up leadership positions.  Eric is still that nice and chill guy that I remember from high school.  I seriously think he bullies people into doing things with his niceness and that is something to be respected. 

UCSD Characters

Ashley

I wish I had a better picture!

Different Ashley this time around, since my usual rock is currently studying abroad in England.  Cheery, Christian, sweet, exceedingly considerate, humble and possessing one of the most heartwarming smiles I have ever seen, this Ashley is my new foil. 

Fortunately, Ashley and I do have similarities, namely a penchant for spontaneous acts.  Ashley has become my go to girl for this quarter, joining me on numerous spontaneous acts.  Whether it would be something mischievous like sneaking out to the cliffs to see the bioluminescence or monotonous as grabbing lunch, she is always available and game.

Funny thing about me spending almost every other day with Ashley these days is that upon first seeing her at UCSD, I was intent on avoiding her.  I considered someone from my past that was best left there.  Only through her persistence in trying to say hello to me, did we manage to reconnect as friends.  And for that I am incredibly grateful because this quarter would be lacking a lot of life without her.

Kevin

We sleep in the same room

Roommate chronicles are back!  I have lived with Kevin every year that I have been at UCSD and one thing I have learned is that the hilarity never stops with him.  Already this quarter, Kevin has missed his midterm after not knowing it got rescheduled and gone to the ER for an ear infection (five days before he told me that he was losing hearing in his left ear and I responded by telling him to get that checked out) then grazed a runner’s leg with his car due to excruciating pain.   

Living with Kevin has made me remember how awesome having a roommate is as it definitely keeps the loneliness at bay and provides great stories.  Kevin and I picked up where we left off sophomore year and our friendship has continued to grow.   These days, we even cook together regularly, though by cooking, I mean that he cuts and washes the vegetables.  Sometimes it seems a little gay sometimes when we are in the kitchen together, but I tell everybody anyway because it makes me feel impressive.  An added bonus is that telling annoys Kevin because apparently, he has a straight image to keep up.      

Sarah

A missed connection in high school, Sarah and I became good friends in college to the surprise of many.  There seemingly always needs to be a devout Christian in my group of friends and Sarah has been that friend for a very long time.  Exceptionally awkward and clueless, Sarah is a goldmine burst out loud laughing moments.  Paired with all of Sarah’s peculiarities is a big heart and sweet personality that leads her to try to help all those in need.     

Sarah and I seem to have gotten closer after my period in Shanghai.  She used to tell me how terrible it was that she lost her closest friend at UCSD.  Unfortunately, upon my return to UCSD, Sarah has become impossibly hard to hang out with due to her devotion to her studies and terrible communication skills. Every year, it seems I am able to spend less and less time with her.

Kathy

We have too much fun together so we have to work apart

Loud, obnoxious and crass, Kathy is the most violent friend I have ever had and this includes guys too.  Almost every time we meet up there is punching, pinching and a lot of smack talk.  The night before the midterm, we ended up wrestling around the apartment and at one point Kathy tried to choke me with both of her hands on my neck.  Needless to say, hanging out with Kathy is a blast and always full of loud laughter. 

Kathy is the only completely new character this quarter and I met her in my language and culture class.  Sadly, she is graduating this quarter so this friendship has all the signs of being short lived. 

Diane

I left for Shanghai with Diane furious at me after having ditched meeting her because she was with her boyfriend.  Thankfully, old friends die hard and we have reconnected since I got back.  Diane is kind of a contradictory character in my eyes.  She complains and stresses quite often but yet still manages to maintain the image of being relaxed, as if nothing fazes her.        

Meeting up with her tends to bring a calming effect to my day.  We spend most of our time conversing about every aspect of our lives over copious amounts of coffee (as evidenced by the 6 cups I drank today and the reason I am writing this post at 5 in the morning).  However, there never seems to be enough time to finish our conversation.    

Life Back in SD

It has been just three and a half weeks since I came back to San Diego and already it feels like I have been here for months.  Many of the things I do seem routine already despite the fact that I have been doing them for maybe two weeks.  Senior year, is not turning out the way I had imagined.  No parties, kickbacks, binge drinking or even much irresponsibility to speak of.  It seems everyone has shifted their focus from having fun to “what the hell do I need to do for the future.”  Not to mention many of the people who used to invite me to drink were all loose connections which have faded since I spent a year in Shanghai. 

My life right now can be broken down into four pieces:

1. Work

I have been pretty thankful that Wednesdays decided to keep me on board.  Looking for a new job in San Diego would have been a huge headache and the chance that the new job would have been mindless and unfulfilling was pretty high.  The first two weeks back in San Diego, I was worried about my work performance.  It was really hard to concentrate and I felt very detached from my work.  However, as the second conference call with the founders rolled around, I found my rhythm.  On the second call, I was asking the right questions and found my drive again.  Once again I am excited about the developments happening at the company.          

2. Train

Within the first week of arriving in San Diego, I signed up for a 1 day trial at the Arena, a mixed martial arts gym.  Had the owner not called me, I would have probably pushed back my first day at the gym another week.  After my one day trial, I was hooked and signed the contract.  Since the start of school, I have been experimenting with different classes ranging from muay thai, MMA, jiu jitsu and wrestling.  I am significantly better than half the muay thai students, teeing off at will against them without any fear of getting hit.   However, once I go over to jiu jitsu things change dramatically and I get submitted four times in four minutes by someone who had been doing it for a month.   In addition to having a general lack of grappling skills, I am one of the smallest people in the class, which means I get out muscled a lot.  The jiu jitsu class has got me rethinking how good I ever was and how weak my fundamentals are.

 

The class that I have settled on so far is called Cyborg muay thai and Cyborg MMA because it is taught by Evangelista Cyborg, a professional MMA fighter in the Strikeforce promotion.  It is quite cool to be taught by someone you watched fight on TV and it is even cooler when Evangelista’s wife, Cris Cyborg comes in and does the class with us.  Cris Cyborg is the current women’s Strikeforce champion and was the headliner at the first MMA event I attended.  Training with people like that is what makes the Arena so exciting for me. 

3. Academics

Whatever enthusiasm I had about school quickly died when I got rejected from the honors thesis class.  The rejection was doubly annoying since I had been accepted into the class the year before but was unable to attend due to studying abroad and being a junior, also I was assured by the academic advisor that my invitation could be postponed till I came back.  Adding further insult to injury, my mother likes to point out I have a low GPA whenever the rejection comes up.  However, getting rejected might have been a blessing in disguise as I heard the class requires a lot of time and effort. 

I am currently a part time student, meaning I am taking just two classes and even then I cannot be bothered to attend them all.  I have missed about a quarter of my classes, which even resulted in me missing one assignment.  My goal is to do the bare minimum necessary for graduation and as a result I officially dropped my economics major and put to rest any ideas of taking classes that do not fulfill my requirements. 

and everything else

My roommate, Kevin and I are back to our old ways, namely doing stupid things just because we can.  I tore the hem of my jeans the other day climbing fences across multiple apartment complexes in search of a short cut to Tapioca Express.  And by shortcut, I mean saving maybe five minutes.  Also wrestling has made resurgence, but things have changed a lot.  Kevin has gotten much stronger since he got a personal trainer over the summer and this has made it much harder to get him to the ground.  I still win, but not nearly as much as sophomore year. 

In the past I used to talk to an excessive amount of people.  However, upon returning to San Diego I have been avoiding old acquaintances.  Whenever, I pass them around campus I hope really hard that they do not recognize me so that I do not have to get dragged into a meaningless and awkward conversation. 

Interestingly, a new good friend has come out of one of these acquaintances I was trying to avoid.  While in line at Panda Express, I spotted Ashley L. and quickly averted eye contact.  Ashley was a girl I knew from sophomore year, who used to come over to the apartment because she had a thing with one of my apartment mates.  Ashley and I had a falling out that year from a blog post I wrote about the apartment mate.  Fortunately, Ashley never got the memo that we stopped being friends and confronted me at Panda Express.  Feeling a bit guilty about ignoring her and not wanting to eat alone, I invited her to sit with me for dinner.  I ended up having a lot of fun at dinner and for the past three weeks I have been spending an extraordinary amount of time with her.  Things have a funny way of working out sometimes.

The scenic route

On my way back down to San Diego, I decided to take the scenic route with my good friend Sarah. With my Camry packed incredibly neatly, almost tetris like, Sarah and I set off on our one day road trip.



Sarah is a shuttle driver at UCSD and I had the utmost confidence in her driving abilities. She managed to pull off an incredible 31 miles to the gallon on the winding roads of highway 1, to put this into perspective, I usually get around 25 miles to the gallon driving normally. I drove for the last quarter of the tank, and without a doubt, the calculated mileage would have been higher had Sarah driven the tank to empty.

Typically, it takes me about seven to eight hours to drive down to UCSD. Taking the scenic route, it took an exhausting eleven hours. This was partly because a large stretch of the road was limited to 35 or 45 miles per hour, compared to 80MPH on highway 5 (more direct road through the state), and the fact that we stopped liberally to admire the view and take pictures.

Sarah ended up driving eight of those eleven hours, because highway 1 was so much fun that she wanted it all for herself. And that was fine with me, as I got to focus on taking pictures of the amazing coastline. It had been awhile since I had gone out on a shoot and I was rediscovering my love for the camera. At the end of the day, I got some really great shots.


My favorite picture of the drive


This was not bad either

Cannot wait for thanksgiving when I get to do it again! Wonder who will join me next time around.

-muffinman

Happy birthday to me

Last week I celebrated my 21st birthday and much to my chagrin, there was no binge drinking or bar hopping, but it worked out nonetheless.

Strawberry shortcake from Bijan's, my favorite bakery in San Jose


That's me

Happy birthday wishes came early this year as my friends in Singapore sent theirs 15 hours ahead of time.  It was a nice touch and a great reminder of how far I have come in just a year.  However, despite it being my birthday, I still had to drag myself to work extremely sleep deprived.  I contemplated working at home but decided against it, a good decision resulting in my boss buying me my first legal drink.  On top of that, my first drink was a blank and tan (half Guinness and half pale ale, they form two distinct layers in the glass!), something I had never had or even heard of before.  Then my boss bought me an Irish car bomb (a mixed shot of Bailey's and whiskey, dropped into half a pint of Guinness) which officially signaled the end of the work day.

Back on the train, I had hoped to party with those strangers but that did not happen when I could not find the one person I knew in the group.  I was a bit disappointed, but I already had my drink of the day from my boss so it did not matter too much.


At home, it was dinner with the family and afterwards, cake with a few old high school friends.  They surprised me by getting me a bottle of Johnny Walker gold label, which I promptly made them all sign (another blast from the past moment).  After cake, the drinking started, and even my sister and dad got into it a little.  My dad even pulled out a bottle of Hennessy  XO  out of nowhere, a big surprise because I had thought I had finished all the hard liquor in the house a long time ago.


I swear my mom almost cried asking me to take a picture with the family

The conversation frequently came back to our high school days and all the stupid things we did, though most of the stories seemed to revolve around me.  It was a good reminder how much I had grown.  No longer duct taping or throwing people's backpacks in the mud, or asking someone out with a bowl of goldfish crackers.  I can definitely say that I have changed a lot and even for the better.  Compared to my high school self, I am much nicer, understanding and all around more mature.  This is of course to be expected, however, I still marvel at how much I have changed.

Lighting candles has a particular allure for some people


Only one good high school friend was missing that night

This birthday had even more significance because it marks my last year in college.  It could very well be the last birthday that I spend at home or even with these same friends.  This party closes one chapter of my life and I can already feel a new one opening up.

-muffinman

Parents: Got to stop listening to them

Last summer while I was in LA doing my internship, I heard John Kobara tell me and my fellow interns to stop listening to our parents and he gave us a few pointers on how to get them off our backs to boot.  After that meeting, I joked to my fellow intern Monica that I was already on the right track because I never listened to my parents. 

As kids, we were always told that we were young and should listen to our parents because they knew better due to their experience.  Of course, this applied doubly since I was Asian.  Do get me wrong, this is great advice when you are say 12 but I realize now it is no longer naïve to think that I know more than my parents.  It is not arrogance that has led me to say this, but rather something that I have concluded after listening to “guidance” from my parents that was either inconsistent with the times or simply out of their area of expertise.   

I have always had a hearing impediment to my parents’ advice, but it was not until my winter quarter in sophomore year in college that I made a conscious effort to divorce myself from my parents’ guidance.  That was the year that I decided to completely drop my Economics double major because it was making me miserable.  I had taken up the additional major due to my mom essentially telling me that with my Anthropology degree I would graduate with no job prospects (little does she know Economics also does not offer a skill set that employers are looking for).  It was at that point that I realized my parents did not know what was best for me. 

So what is the problem? I already decided I was no longer under parents’ influence, case closed right?  Well, not exactly, because later that sophomore year, I made a commitment to reconnect with my family, I have been finding myself straying from my independent thinking that has served me so well.  As a sort of good will gesture, I have started placing weight into the advice that they give me, which in turn has caused me doubt myself.  This became a real problem during my search for summer internships.

I turned to my dad to help me find an internship, due to the fact that I was in Shanghai at the time.  Everything appeared to be going well, my mom told me that he was sending my resume out and getting responses and assurances.  My mom told me not to worry and that for sure they would find me something.  My skepticism increased dramatically when my dad got back to me with jobs that were extremely technical and seemingly as far from the marketing department as possible.  In the end, the whole finding me an internship through connections turned out to be a flop, leaving me scrambling to find something, anything that I could add to my resume.

The trouble continued once I got my first interview at a startup.  My dad scoffed after the interview when I told him that if I got $10 an hour I would be happy.  He told me I was silly to expect that kind of money since interns at VMWare and Cisco were making around $25 an hour and that the startup’s pay had to be competitive to that.  I am not sure why I trusted him at that point about the pay, because it certainly made no sense!  Why would I expect a multibillion dollar company to pay at the same rate as a startup with just $50,000 in seed funding? When the offer came and it was $10 an hour like I had expected, my dad did not say anything, perhaps he realized the folly of his reasoning. 

My interview with the startup that gave me the offer went very well.  I really enjoyed talking to the founders and had a strong hunch that we would work well together.  I had another interview scheduled, but in reality I had made up my mind.  The other startup interviewing me would have had to be beyond amazing to even get me considering to join them.  In essence, my heart was pretty much set on where I wanted to be for the summer, there was just this feeling that the first startup was where I needed to be. 

When I told my parents this, they panicked.  They told me to not rush the decision and wait for the other interview (something I was going to do anyway) and for the second time I listened to them.  I started doubting my own hunch about where I should be and began wondering if I was being a fool who was rushing in.  The second interview came and it was a disaster, the founder was cold and generally gave off this attitude that she did not give a shit whether I came onboard or not.  Immediately when the second interview ended, I wanted to call up the first startup and tell them “I ACCEPT!” However, my parent’s words about caution and thinking things through started creeping in from the back of my mind.  Once again, I was doubting my own judgment and hesitating on what I felt was the right course of action.

In my doubt came anger and then shame.  I felt that I was betraying myself by not following my own intuition which has served me so well for so long.  I had always blazed my own path and marched to the tune of my own drummer, yet here I was making the most important decision of possibly the year and doubting myself because of my parents.  A shameful moment indeed.   

After this epiphany, I picked up the phone, dialed my mom and told her I was going to accept the offer the next day.  She tried to tell me not to rush the decision, but I was having none of it, my mind was made up.  My choice, once again ended up being the correct one as I am currently having the best internship experience of my life. 

Morale of the story? Understand that being close to your family does not mean that you have to listen to them.

-muffinman

Attending a BBoy Competition

The same week that I came back, my friend Vicki invited me to a BBoy competition. I started to going to competitions with her back during my freshman summer or perhaps it was the senior summer of high school?  It definitely felt cool to be going to competitions even if I did not dance or know what was going on.  Just being at a competition made me feel like I was part of something that few people knew about and even fewer attended.

Fast forward, a couple of years and I have been bugging Vicki to take me to another competition because I have not been to one since my freshman year.  Sadly, even though I had been hearing so much about Vicki's competition successes, I was not going to be able to see it because she was not competing this tournament.  Nonetheless it was good to break out of the usual and go see a bunch of talented bboys and girls.  

This is mostly a picture post:

Vicki's friend Ian who was really good. Baffling that he did not make it past the first elimination round.

My friend Vicki who did not compete but still entered the cyphers, which are informal exhibition performances where anyone can go into the circle do a few moves, jump back out and someone else takes their place.

There is a huge attitude and taunting culture to bboying. Sometimes tensions will run high and fights will break out but most of the time it is just playful teasing.  

Part of the taunting is trying to get as close to the opponent as possible without touching them. However, as you can see that does not always work out.

Just a cool picture

These two teams were in my opinion the most impressive in the competition.  Vicki tells me that the guy on the floor competes internationally.  

-muffinman

Last Lesson in China

During my year in Shanghai, I had accumulated a decent amount of change because I just never got used to the idea of using of change to buy stuff.  All of my change was collected in a cut in half water bottle.  When I left, I think I had maybe 100RMB in change in that bottle and with no exchange it or pack it in my bag I elected to leave it in my room, hoping that whoever took possession of the change would put it to good use.  Little did I know that this was going to happen within the hour.    

The man who came up with me to check my apartment for damages must have felt extremely lucky once he saw the large amount of things that my roommates and I were leaving behind.  He entered my room and started pointing at various items, asking me if I was sure about leaving it behind.  When I said yes to my bottle of change and asked him if he wanted it, he said yes and started grabbing large handfuls of change and putting it in his pocket.  After a few handfuls, I told him that he could take the whole thing, bottle and all but he refused and told me that it would look bad.  I could not help but smile as I walked out of the room and let him finish stuffing his pockets with change. 

Not quite sure how the man thought walking around jingling on each step was going to keep him from losing face.  He even took a pair of shoes as well and hid those in the stairwell before the elevator came up, presumably so that he could get them later when nobody was looking.

So twas on my last day in China that I was taught through example that life is all about face.

-muffinman

Back Home

I left Shanghai on a Wednesday morning and arrived on Wednesday morning, the benefit of traveling through time zones. It is quite odd that nothing has changed in San Jose after a year and there is some comfort in that. However, people seem to be moving on, as there are few friends left at home with the majority of them either interning or attending summer school.


Home

Some things of note after being back for two days:

My sister has really grown up, make up, short skirt and foul language to go with it. I flinch every time she curses because that is just not how I remember her. She swears as much as me, though far less creatively. Now it takes her an hour to get ready to leave the house because she has to put on her make-up, I do not remember that when I left. San Jose may not have changed much but she definitely did. Also, in the span of less than six months she has significantly scratched my car twice. I hope she outgrows this terrible driving stage soon.


My car...


...and the nice scratch my sister made

Driving is easy, I cannot believe I was ever worried about forgetting how to drive. After a few minutes of driving, I was back to expertly cutting people off like I did back in LA. I even drove my sister all the way to the SF airport, a one hour drive! Even my sense of direction has come back and I am remembering where everything is. It feels great to be behind the wheel again, crazy to think that just two days ago I was riding the metro everywhere.



Open roads and...


...white picket fences as American as it gets

What I wanted most was not to stay in Shanghai, it was time to go, but rather to take all my friends from Shanghai to the US with me. It definitely feels good to be back in the US, I missed the blue skies, sunshine and crystal clear air. Just wish I had all my friends to enjoy it with.

People talk to me and I understand them completely! That is quite the feeling, also strangers talk to me without hesitation, some even joke. It is a completely different feeling from Shanghai where I could go about sleep walking through my day and not talk to anybody even when they talked to me. I would just feel rude if I did that hear.

Adjusting back to English is actually tripping me up. When you have spent a year saying everyday phrases like “Sorry” and “Thank You” in Chinese, it is hard to get out of the habit. While deplaning in SFO I ran into an old lady, probably as a result of routinely pushing my through Shanghai, and I immediately thought to apologize by saying “bu hao yi si.” I stopped myself from saying it after remembering that I was no longer in China, but by the time I remembered to say sorry, the moment had passed.

I have a lot of cool stuff in my room which I totally forgot about.

Boxing gloves, Knives and Bullets

-muffinman

Travelling with SYB

At 10:50 PM I boarded a train from Shanghai to Fuyang, a third tier city in Anhui province.  On the train with me is SYB’s program director Thomas, SYB’s director of education Cecile and Chris, an employee of the Chi Heng Foundation which SYB works under.  We are going to be running through four cities (Fuyang, Jieshou, Zhoukou, Shangcai) in three days visiting various Chi Heng offices, schools and homes to interview applicants for next year’s SYB class.  Well, when I say we I really mean Thomas, Cecile and Chris.  I am just going to document the whole process with my camera and writing in order to give people an idea of where SYB’s young bakers come from.

I have been looking forward to this trip for a while because I have passed through the countryside many times by bus and train, but this is the first time that I will have the chance to walk through the broken roads and fields amongst the crumbling villages.  Not to mention, I get to enter into the houses of these villagers.  Finally, I get around to seeing how the other half of China lives.      

New Semester, New Characters

With just a month left in Shanghai, it is time for another character’s post. This time around, there are no angels or saviors that my life in Shanghai revolves around. Hell, there are not even any UC students on the list this this semester and I am hanging out with people my own age. It is a completely different semester in almost every aspect.

Emanuele

Always the alcohol with this guy

I think everybody needs a sleazy Italian in their life who repeatedly tells you to cut the bullshit and just fuck whenever you are with a girl. Always the jokester, hanging out with Emanuele is always a fun and alcoholic albeit expensive affair. Despite harboring some illogical resentment against Californians, Emanuel and I see each other almost every week. I should have hung out with him last semester when I first met him, but back then he was just this MBA friend’s sleazy roommate.

Singaporeans
Once again, I find myself on the outside of the UC group for various personal reasons. This time I have thrown my lot in with the Singaporeans, who with their genuine personalities and exceptional kindness have won me over.

Felicia

If only Felicia was as good of a classmate as she is a friend

Felicia and I quickly became partners for our class project because we sat close to each other, which turned out to be a huge mistake because both of us do not care about the class. Initially I had wanted to drop the class but because I had already committed to being Felicia’s partner so I stayed. Now every week I exchange two and a half hours of my life for a friend that is always ready to help me out when I need it. A great listener and conversationist, I am lucky to have met Felicia as soon as I did because I certainly needed a friend that was close to home.

Wan Ching

Too energetic to hold still for a proper picture

Not quite sure, how I became friends with Wan Ching but one thing is certain, I spend a lot of time with her. The first time I met Wan Ching, I was struck by the amount of energy that radiated from her. Seemingly always running at a hundred and ten percent, Wan Ching is fun to have around and even now, her extremely energetic responses catch me off guard. Our time here in Shanghai maybe running out, but Wan Ching has strong aspirations to work in the US and I have a feeling that she is not going to let anything stop her. The question is not if but when am I going to see her after leaving Shanghai.

Dawn

So much silliness went into getting this shot

The one word that I use to describe Dawn to everybody I meet is “crazy” and this is usually followed by me grabbing at the air around my head four or five times in an attempt to illustrate her scatter brained personality. Hilariously, people who have met her usually understand what I am getting at. However, as much as I make fun of Dawn for being Buzz Lightyear (spaced out) all the time, I would not have her any other way. Dawn always manages to lighten the mood with her corny jokes, which she half mumbles with great enthusiasm. If I am ever down in Shanghai, Dawn is the first one I call because she makes me laugh just by being herself.

-muffinman

Toastmasters in Shanghai

In a past post, I touched upon the fact that I have been attending Toastmasters meetings and since that post, I have become an official member of Leadership Toastmasters in Shanghai.  For my initiation, I had to give a 100 second speech on my understanding of positive change and surprise, surprise I spoke about this girl named Ellie whom I met a little over a year ago and taught me all about positive change. 

Not going to lie, part of the reason that I go to Toastmasters is because I love the feeling of being the youngest person in the group and then being complimented for my maturity.  Standing at the front of the room as the youngest member by eight plus years and looking the part in my T-shirt, jeans and Feiyue shoes, I still manage to capture their attention and awe.  It is quite the confidence booster to see the audience nodding along in their suits and dress shoes as I talk about a topic like “whether your dream girl would make the perfect wife,” which should be far beyond my years of experience.  To hear compliments about my impromptu speech and surprise over how old I am is just icing on the cake.   

   

Two weeks after joining, I gave my first speech, which I would like to share because it describes me pretty well.  The speech was well received, in fact my evaluator told the club that the speech was “awesome” and that he could not think of anything I could improve on.  However, after a three years in speech and debate, I know better.  The speech was mediocre at best.      

-muffinman

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About a boy

I think by now everybody has a rough idea about how old I am, since Ken makes it a point to introduce me to all of you as “our first member who was born in the 90’s.” And because of my young age I have the luxury of being able to fit in all my dreams in a four to six minute speech.  So without further ado, let me tell you about a boy who had many dreams which made him who he is today.

When I was young, or rather younger I had the sort of dreams every young boy has, ones filled with adventure and heroics.   This was probably the result of being fed a steady diet of adventure novels.   My head was filled with explorers in foreign lands and soldiers fighting for glory on the battlefields.  I wanted to be one those of people that people wrote stories about.

As I got older naturally my dreams changed.  Being a fairly antisocial child, popularity and friends became more of a priority.  In addition, I began to realize the uniqueness of my background and briefly flirted with the idea of becoming a travel journalist.  Always the geek, I loved my computers and following my father’s footsteps into engineering seemed like a great idea.  However, that soon changed when I took art classes and got in touch with my creative side.  Combining my longstanding geekyness and  new interest in art, I started dreaming about being a game designer.

In high school, many of my dreams got killed outright when I realized that, I was terrible at math and art.  Trying to find new passions, I got involved in politics and business where I learned to love people.  During my last year in high school I discovered Elva and her coffee shop and soon developed a love for coffee and cafes.  Entering college, I knew I loved two  things, people and coffee.  Loves which still exist today. 

Looking back, I realize now that who I am can be traced back those dreams I used to have.  I still aspire to be recklessly brave and adventurous like those heroes in my childhood books, leading me into all sorts of troubles like falling through a roof.  Popularity and legacy still matter a great deal, but not as much as having strong roots and connections wherever I am, which is what keeps me coming back to Toastmasters week after week.  I can still be found tearing apart my computer and firing up Photoshop every once in a while to get back in touch with my artsy side. 

As for current dreams, every time I step foot in a café I just imagine the day  when I can retire early and open my own café  so that I can talk to all the people I want over a nice cup of coffee.  However, my dreams are always subject to change and as you all keep reminding me, I am young and still have time.       

Attractive locals?!

Before coming to Shanghai, I had heard about the allure and beauty of Shanghainese women as well as their fame at seducing men.  What I found when I arrived, however, was a completely different story.  All the locals were unattractive with most of them just downright ugly.  This was probably the only culture shock I experienced in China. 

Spending more time in Shanghai did not help the situation, out of a city of 23 million I could not seem to find one single local Chinese girl that I found attractive.  Faced with this odd observation, I tried to reason it out.  As an anthropologist, my first thoughts turned to culture.  “Beauty is a cultural construct!” I thought to myself, so it must have something to do with me being very Americanized that I cannot appreciate these Chinese girls.  However, as time wore on this seemed less and less convincing.  When the cultural theory finally died, I just told people it must be from a lack of nutrition, which is an even worse explanation but the best that I could come up with. 

Three months ago everything suddenly changed.  It was as if there was a switch in my brain that suddenly got flipped and without explanation or warning, I started seeing attractive/cute/pretty locals everywhere.  Perhaps, I was on to something about beauty being a cultural construct.  After all I have been enculturated into many local customs such as eating oily food and pushing people out of my way.  It should not be that large of a leap for me to come to internalize local concepts of attractiveness.  Of course, the other explanation is that I am coming to the end of my junior year and being still single am simply getting desperate. 

Whether it be enculturation or desperation, things have gone too far.  It is time to go home in order to reverse whatever has happened because I would never be able to face my friends back home if I fell for a local.   

-muffinman

Talking with Grandparents

I am in back in Hong Kong for a six day visit because I am going to go straight home from Shanghai. Mark down July 13th on your calendar because that is when I am coming home.
When I made the decision to go back to Hong Kong instead of going to Seoul, I was under the impression that my grandmother was very sick. However, on the day that I booked my ticket, I was informed by my aunt that my grandmother had just recently gotten over her illness. Nonetheless, I decided to come to Hong Kong because I did not know when I would be able to see my grandparents again.

On my first visit, I was pleasantly surprised by how much my grandfather’s health improved. Just three months ago he needed help to get out of his chair, but now he was getting out of bed all by himself as well as walking quite quickly with his walker. My grandfather looked much more alive and even took the effort to talk to me, best of all when he spoke I could understand him! Much to the frustration of my aunt, my grandfather is using his new found energy to pick fights and boss people around. This news explains why he was repeatedly telling me how useless my uncle was.
As for my grandmother, she seems to have recovered quite well. She is still as chatty as ever and looks to be in good spirits. My aunt tells me that my grandmother has lost weight, but I could not tell, she looks just as good as I remember three months ago.

While talking to my grandparents, I noticed something very peculiar. The conversations I had with my grandma revolved around doing well in school so I could find a good wife and have good kids. She also stressed the importance of not getting married too early (now) and not too late (over 30) as well as telling me to start dating now. On the other hand, my conversations with my grandpa was all about the importance of saving money and being frugal.

Those conversations sure reminded me of my own parents. Funny how history seems to repeat itself, I wonder if I will be the one talking about money to my kids.

-muffinman

GZ café: ARC away from ARC

The comfy atmosphere, nice owners and cats make GZ café my favorite café in Shanghai, they also make better coffee than ARC at home.

I first came to this café on the recommendation of my professor and now I can be found here at least once a week. The café is located in a complex called Jing’an Villas, which is a street of distinctive old brick houses that has been renovated and is filled with cafes and knick knack shops. Inside, the walls of the café are lined with cute little arts and crafts. There is a distinct homemade feeling to everything in the café. Everything in the café looks Western, but it is the Asianized Western feel, the best way to describe it would be FOBBY but only ABC’s know what that means. About a month ago there was a new addition to the café with two kittens! The owner recognizes me now and asks me if I will have my usual cappuccino. It definitely feels nice to recognized.


The Jing'an Villas Complex


Two small ones are new


Kittens are adorable

During the winter break when everybody was gone I spent an enormous amount of time here. When I saw the wife teaching a young woman how to bake I fell even more in love with the place. GZ café to me defines what a mom and pop store is all about.


The scene that made me fall in love with the cafe

In fact I am writing this post in the café right now and I just got asked by a customer for the bill. I may be spending too much time in this place.

-muffinman

More pictures

Feiyue Shoes

Move over shikumen houses, these Chinese sneakers which look a lot like Converse are my new obsession. Finding where to buy these shoes is as much fun as browsing for them, as there is no large retailer carrying them. Instead, small shops hidden in obscure places are the only places that carry them, meaning that I have to track down these stores online and hear about them through friends. In the past week I have visited three stores, it is like finding a diamond in the rough.

I find the shoes to be a lot of fun with their unique colors and retro design. The company dates back to the 1920’s and the shoes are still made in Shanghai. Now French owned, Feiyue shoes are popular in Europe where they sell for 50 to 60 euros per pair, though in China they sell for 35 to 70RMB ($5 to $10). Of course you get what you pay for and the shoes that are made for the Chinese market are much worse quality with glue visible at the seams and flimsy soles. I have only found one pair French export of Feiyues and the quality difference was quite huge and it was being sold for only 70RMB. Sadly, the French export pair was not in my size.


High tops for only 38RMB~$6


You definitely get what you pay for. Notice the glue at the seams.


My favorite pair which I just found out all my Singaporean friends dislike.

Feiyue’s retro style, Chinese origins and French ownership perfectly represents Shanghai’s character, so do not be surprised to get a pair as souvenirs from me!

-muffinman

China Lessons on self: Continued

As promised here is my academic/professional observations on China.

Also, I decided to add two more self-discoveries.

Need for growth

Coming to Fudan and experiencing a lack of challenge in my academics, I have come to realize that I need to keep learning or else I get incredibly restless.  After a month or two of learning nothing, I started picking up Harvard Business reviews because I could not stand the fact that I was wasting my time.  Also in the back of my mind, I felt like I was falling behind my peers and whatever edge I had accumulated with my work experience was quickly wearing away while I was amusing myself around the city.  Basically, when school was teaching me nothing, I went out of my way to learn, which is unprecedented.

Identifying with American Values

Surrounded by Chines culture has made me realize how Americanized I am.  I say American because I miss the diversity in cultures and people that can only be found in the states.  Homogeneous populations bore me and this is with taking into account the expat community in Shanghai, which despite the their varied cultural background all act very similarly. In addition, I have come to identify with the lone ranger, take no prisoners and rules are meant to be broken attitude that Americans glorify in their culture.  The timid, risk averse, keep your head down and work hard mentality that I see in the local Chinese students and which is promoted in Asian cultures annoys me to no end.  These differences in culture is why I cannot see myself living in Asia permanently.  

-muffinman   

China lessons on self

Recently, a few people have asked me what I have learned while studying abroad and often times my responses feel so half-assed that I begin to wonder myself whether I have learned anything or not.  While sitting at Burger King eating dinner, I began to seriously think about the answer.  Here are some of the answers I came up with separated into two categories “things I learned about China” and “things I learned about myself.”  “Things I learned about China,” will be posted in my pro blog in time.

Clicking with older people

Since coming to Shanghai, I have had the opportunity to interact with people who are much older than me.  What I have discovered is that I am able to relate better with people who are older than me.  Somehow, my subjects of interest just mesh better with this older crowd.  Not to mention I feel that I am able to learn more from the experience.  It is a bit problematic though because most of the times this older crowd does not see me as an equal. 

New Found Independence

Walking away from people and events has become almost second nature.  I no longer feel bad or awkward about leaving anymore.  In addition, I have found independence through my camera which has emboldened me to go out and explore the world by myself.  I realize now more than ever that I have internalized Western individualism and could never feel at home in an Asian community centric society. 

       

Culturally from Hong Kong not China

The longer I stay in Shanghai, the more I realize how Cantonese, specifically Hong Kongnese, I am.  Shanghainese, Sichuan and other types of Chinese food all pale in comparison to Cantonese food.  I find myself constantly complaining that there is too much meat not enough vegetables in my dishes.  The food I am having in Shanghai all seems to be too oily and salty, which for the most part I have gotten used to, but I still miss my bland Cantonese food.      

Tourism is boring

For most of the seven months in China, I have stayed in Shanghai and that is because I realize that I hate being a tourist.  Sites and attractions that everybody goes to see hold no interest for me.  Rather than running all around China checking out tourist destination after tourist destination, I explore Shanghai and try to discover as many hidden treasures as possible.  I learned that I like to set my roots down in one place and grow.  For me, fun lies in knowing things about an area that no one else knows and learning all the small intricacies about a place that make it unique.  Of course, it is also about getting to know the people that inhabit the area and having them know me as well.  Part of the reason that I love Shanghai is because at my favorite café, the owner recognizes me and knows my drink order as soon I step through the door.  Traveling to me is about finding another home and the action of visiting a place for a few days and seeing a few sights is too superficial for me to enjoy.  

-muffinman

Bowling with Young Bakers

About a month ago, I got involved with Shanghai Young Bakers (SYB), a nonprofit that takes orphans aged 17 to 23 from the rural areas in China and trains them in French baking in Shanghai. All of the orphans’ living expenses are covered and in addition to classes, they are placed in internships at various bakeries and five star hotels. It has been awhile since I got excited about something in Shanghai but when I read the description about this NGO, I knew immediately that I wanted to join. I sent them an email about volunteering opportunities and two months later after I had forgotten about the nonprofit I got a response. Though, as great as SYB and the people involved in it are, that is not what this blog post is about. Instead I am going to write about how one early Sunday morning, I traveled across town with Stephanie, Cindy and went bowling with the orphans in the program.

The bowling part of the event was not all that exciting at all but it is always interesting to see the people that your organization is benefitting. Bowling was extremely chaotic with many of the bakers running around and bowling in each other’s lane. Nobody bothered to keep score. The most striking thing about meeting the bakers was how normal they all looked. If I was not part of SYB I would have never guessed they were orphans, this observation made me question the bias I had. After all, how is an orphan supposed to look like? Real orphans probably do not look like Oliver Twist.


Highlight: Learning how bad somebody could be at bowling


From left to right: Cindy, Baker(forgot name), Stephanie

More bowling pictures

What was the highlight of that Sunday was the lunch after the bowling event. Luckily, I sat with the only Cantonese speaker in the program, which was a great relief because even though the bakers were receiving English lessons, none of them actually knew enough to hold a conversation. At bowling, I asked one of them what his name was in English and he could not even understand the question, which gives you an idea about the level of English that the bakers are at.

From talking to Luo Zhen I got an idea what the program was like for these young bakers. Luo Zhen is twenty three years old and comes from a province that I cannot recall , but which is very close to Guangdong, hence why she is able to speak Cantonese. She told me that every one of the bakers feel overworked, but they realize they must tough it out and finish the program. The way she described the program it sounded like she was suffering but when I pointed that out she quickly refuted me and said basically said that the benefits outweigh the costs. Suddenly, the complaints I had about school seemed extremely petty.

When I asked her about what she was going to do after the program, she told me she was not sure but that she would definitely go home first. I was surprised by this and I asked her if she was going to pursue a career in baking. Once again, I was met with a noncommittal answer emphasizing that it depends on what opportunities there are at home. Later, at another SYB meeting I was told that many graduates do not utilize their training after the program. What a shame, I wonder how that could be fixed.

The most surprising thing about talking to Luo Zhen was the fact that she had all these international friends, especially from Hong Kong. For whatever reason, a large number of tourists passed through her hometown and she exchanged emails with them. Some of those tourists have been corresponding with her for over a year. Once again, my perception of what an orphan is was challenged.

The lunch ended on a somber note as the students got lectured by the homeroom teacher. This is the teacher who takes care of the whole class, a woman who resonates tough love. From the quick translation I got from Cindy, I learned that the teacher was berating the bakers for giving attitude at their internships. Through the harsh words, I could tell that the woman cared for the bakers and deeply wanted to see them succeed.

I left that lunch feeling more committed to SYB than ever before.

-muffinman

Old Dog, New Tricks

On a typical Sunday a month ago, I got up much too early, took a much too expensive cab to a much too big sports bar where I watched UFC for way too long.  Afterwards I decided to take two of the new UC kids who accompanied me to People’s Square to check out the weekly matchmaking sessions that are held there.  While wandering around the park, I spotted a crowd.  When I walked closer to investigate, I saw that there was a white teenager, with a t-shirt that said Russia on the back, debating with an old Chinese man in English.  From the few snippets of conversation I caught it seemed like the two were debating capitalism.  The two UC kids who were with me did not seem that interested in what was going on so I took them to the subway and they left.

I stayed behind in People’s Park and waited for my friend Angela to arrive.  As soon as the two UC kids left, I rushed back to where I saw the crowd in hopes of catching some more of the debate.  This time I saw the Russian teen speaking and playing around with a little Chinese boy.  When the Russian asked the little boy why he wanted to go to the US, I cut in and told the boy that the correct answer was because there was more money in the states.  After that, I introduced myself to the Russian, but in mid conversation, I was cut off by a man who wanted me to translate something for him.

When I finally got away from the man, the Russian was once again surrounded by a crowd.  This time, I approached the Chinese man who appeared to be taking care of the Russian.  The Chinese handler was dressed in bright traditional clothing and holding a Russian flag.  It was an odd sight for sure and things only got stranger when I started talking to the handler.  When the handler heard was from Fudan, he got excited and told me that they were visiting the campus on Friday and asked if I would give him a tour.  A bit hesitant, I answered with a “maybe” and asked for his card.  I almost laughed out loud when I read the name “Nelson Mandela” on the card.  “Is this man for real?” I thought to myself and after talking to the handler about it, it turns out the answer was “yes.” 

From my conversation from the Chinese handler I learned a few things about what was going on.  First, it turned out that I had wandered into the People’s Park English corner where locals come every Sunday to practice their English.  Second, the young Russian was sent by his father to the care of the handler, who was not Chinese as I initially thought, but Taiwanese.  The Russian was here to learn Chinese as well as study international relations, except he had not found a university yet.  Lastly, I learned that the world was dominated by the US which manipulated countries like China with their currency and Chinese university students are mindless sheep.  That last part came straight from the handler’s mouth.       

Sometime in the middle of my conversation with the handler, Angela arrived and I dragged her over to the English corner because I wanted to hear more conspiracy theories.  As soon as she came, she was mobbed by a group.  In the crowd, a familiar face popped out and greeted me.  It was Jeff, a random Fudan student who recognized me from Toastmaster’s.  Jeff, like many of the local Chinese students I meet was extremely awkward, so much so, that I pulled Angela into my circle so she could deflect some of his attention.  Somehow, Angela and I got separated from Jeff, but while we were walking away he ran up to us and asked for Angela’s number.  Not going to lie at that moment I felt pretty rejected because I had spent so much time talking to Jeff and after all that effort he goes and asks for Angela’s number over mine!  Guess my conversation skills could not compete with Angela’s looks.

Later that week, I received an email from the director of our program telling us to avoid People’s Park on Sundays because it was the site of the Jasmine Revolution.  The Jasmine Revolution, was an event that was thought up by some Chinese bloggers who took their inspiration from the recent revolutions in the middle east.  Very few Chinese people got the message that their government was being overthrown, so the whole Jasmine Revolution was a dud.  However, rather than it being a one off event, it transformed into a constant weekly event in cities around China.  For Shanghai, the place of protest was People’s Square where a walking silent protest was to be held weekly.  Already, there have been reports of foreign journalists getting manhandled by plains clothes policemen.  The US State Department had actually issued a travel advisory warning Americans to avoid People’s Park on that day that I was there.         

Suddenly, it made all the more sense why the man who asked me to translate some English for him was talking about over throwing the government.  In addition, it also explains why the writing that the man asked me to translate dealt stated that Shanghai’s architecture was a testament to the disparity between the rich and poor.

Shanghai to me is starting to seem like an old dog with new tricks.  After six months in the city I am learning there is still much that I do not know.  


-muffinman

New Beginnings in Shanghai

A month has passed since the arrival of the first batch of UC students and things could not be better right now.  This semester is full of promise and I have started things off on the right foot.  Already, I have found close friends with whom I feel immensely comfortable with.  There is something different about this batch of UC kids that lets me click with them much more.  Perhaps it is because they are more independent and therefore willing to hang out with me alone.  Last semester, the UC kids always wanted to hangout in a group and because of this I was never really able to get close to anyone due to the disdain I have for hanging out with more than four people. 

In the academic realm, I am very excited by my courses this semester.  I am taking three marketing courses, so for once in my life I will actually be studying what I want to do.  Most excitingly, one of those marketing courses is taught by a PhD in anthropology and the course is all about how to apply anthropology to market research.  It is the type of course that I have always dreamed of!  I have always explained to people how I could apply anthropology to marketing, but it was always my own theory and now for once I get to learn from someone who has actually done it!

Exploring Shanghai has been put on hold and being part of Shanghai is now the priority.  I have started attending Toastmasters meetings, an international club where members get together to practice their public speaking.  My public speaking, after three years of high school speech and debate, makes me one of the best in the whole club.  I even managed to win the impromptu speaking competition they have at every meeting on my second visit.  The speaking competition at the club may be thin, but I really enjoy the company of the members, even if they may be twice my age.  Also, I have started getting involved in a nonprofit called Shanghai Young Bakers, which takes orphans aged 17 to 23 from nearby provinces and trains them in French baking.  It is a nonprofit that I really believe in, led by a French duo that I have complete faith in.     

   

Yes, this semester is off to a good start.  I already had some noteworthy adventures which I will be sure to write about as soon as I find the motivation.     

Shanghainese Women

Mainland Chinese women have a bad reputation in Chinese communities outside of China.  Sons like me were warned by our parents and relatives before coming to China to be wary of Chinese women, because they would stop at nothing to seduce us in order to get our passport and money.  Shanghainese girls have the worst reputation by far and they have the special distinction of being despised by mainland Chinese as well.  The women in Shanghai have a reputation for being strong mistresses and mainland Chinese sons are cautioned from courting a Shanghainese girl. 

On the first night out with Californians, one of the guys stated that Shanghainese women rob men blind while also whipping them into submission.  I have heard this stereotype many times, but in my opinion, it does not reflect the reality on the ground.  However, when I began to reflect on my experiences in Shanghai in order to support my argument, I realized that I had no idea how things on the ground would look if the stereotype was true.  With that in mind, these are some of the observations I recall.

Dr. Connery, my professor for last semester’s class on Shanghai, said that women in Shanghai have historically had more rights than other women in China and even the world.  The expat book I bought mentioned that Shanghainese women are much less willing to put up with sexism at the work place.  In addition, women in Shanghai occupy many more high ranking positions in corporations than many places around the world. 

When I am walking around Shanghai, I often see boyfriends holding purses and shopping bags for their girlfriends.  I realize that boyfriends holding shopping bags is the norm even in the states, but the same cannot be said about purse holding, though this might be some sort of Asian practice that I am not aware of.   

All these previous observations might support the stereotype but it is the way that I have seen men treat women on the street that makes me think the stereotype is nothing but a sham.  Right out in public, I once saw a man grab a fistful of a woman’s hair and violently shake her head around.  In another scenario, while in a mall I saw a man drag a woman forcefully down an escalator.  I was not the only one to have witnessed scenes of men strong arming women, when I talked to other UC students last semester, they reported seeing similar events.  Women abusing men are almost never seen in Shanghai, and when it does happen it is usually just the woman publicly berating the man.  I have only heard of one story where someone saw a woman hitting a man. 

Such public displays of domestic abuse from men in Shanghai are the reason that I do not believe the stereotype.    

-muffinman

What to do but live and learn?

In Shanghai things move fast and this is no different with friendships.  One day someone calls you their brother and the next they do not bother calling you at all. 

What happened these past ten days is nothing short of heartbreaking.  It began with me coming back from Hong Kong, where I was once again struck with loneliness.  Coming to an environment where I was perpetually alone was tough after having spent nine days surrounded by family.  Away from home, family and friends, that week back in Shanghai was perhaps the loneliest I have ever felt in my life.         

  

After a week of not hearing from my closest friend in Shanghai all I got was a cold instant message asking me “so are you alive?”  Hurt by such an insensitive question after not having heard from me for so long, I explained to her how upset and lonely I was, hoping for a shred of sympathy.  I wanted to hear some kind words from the girl that just a few months ago came to my door when I was upset and tried her best to reach me when I was trying to push away the world.  Instead, all I got was an incomplete instant messaging conversation and a handful of texts over the next week, that contained half apologies and responses that made me want to text back “fuck you."  

No visit, no calls and not even an email trying to cheer me up. Being let go is never a nice feeling but when it happens when you are at your lowest point, it is a whole other level of terrible. 

Right now at 6am in the morning, my hopes that she still cares and will genuinely try to reach out to me are being dashed by the second as the time for her departing flight approaches. 

What to do but live and learn?

-muffinman