Parents: Got to stop listening to them

Last summer while I was in LA doing my internship, I heard John Kobara tell me and my fellow interns to stop listening to our parents and he gave us a few pointers on how to get them off our backs to boot.  After that meeting, I joked to my fellow intern Monica that I was already on the right track because I never listened to my parents. 

As kids, we were always told that we were young and should listen to our parents because they knew better due to their experience.  Of course, this applied doubly since I was Asian.  Do get me wrong, this is great advice when you are say 12 but I realize now it is no longer naïve to think that I know more than my parents.  It is not arrogance that has led me to say this, but rather something that I have concluded after listening to “guidance” from my parents that was either inconsistent with the times or simply out of their area of expertise.   

I have always had a hearing impediment to my parents’ advice, but it was not until my winter quarter in sophomore year in college that I made a conscious effort to divorce myself from my parents’ guidance.  That was the year that I decided to completely drop my Economics double major because it was making me miserable.  I had taken up the additional major due to my mom essentially telling me that with my Anthropology degree I would graduate with no job prospects (little does she know Economics also does not offer a skill set that employers are looking for).  It was at that point that I realized my parents did not know what was best for me. 

So what is the problem? I already decided I was no longer under parents’ influence, case closed right?  Well, not exactly, because later that sophomore year, I made a commitment to reconnect with my family, I have been finding myself straying from my independent thinking that has served me so well.  As a sort of good will gesture, I have started placing weight into the advice that they give me, which in turn has caused me doubt myself.  This became a real problem during my search for summer internships.

I turned to my dad to help me find an internship, due to the fact that I was in Shanghai at the time.  Everything appeared to be going well, my mom told me that he was sending my resume out and getting responses and assurances.  My mom told me not to worry and that for sure they would find me something.  My skepticism increased dramatically when my dad got back to me with jobs that were extremely technical and seemingly as far from the marketing department as possible.  In the end, the whole finding me an internship through connections turned out to be a flop, leaving me scrambling to find something, anything that I could add to my resume.

The trouble continued once I got my first interview at a startup.  My dad scoffed after the interview when I told him that if I got $10 an hour I would be happy.  He told me I was silly to expect that kind of money since interns at VMWare and Cisco were making around $25 an hour and that the startup’s pay had to be competitive to that.  I am not sure why I trusted him at that point about the pay, because it certainly made no sense!  Why would I expect a multibillion dollar company to pay at the same rate as a startup with just $50,000 in seed funding? When the offer came and it was $10 an hour like I had expected, my dad did not say anything, perhaps he realized the folly of his reasoning. 

My interview with the startup that gave me the offer went very well.  I really enjoyed talking to the founders and had a strong hunch that we would work well together.  I had another interview scheduled, but in reality I had made up my mind.  The other startup interviewing me would have had to be beyond amazing to even get me considering to join them.  In essence, my heart was pretty much set on where I wanted to be for the summer, there was just this feeling that the first startup was where I needed to be. 

When I told my parents this, they panicked.  They told me to not rush the decision and wait for the other interview (something I was going to do anyway) and for the second time I listened to them.  I started doubting my own hunch about where I should be and began wondering if I was being a fool who was rushing in.  The second interview came and it was a disaster, the founder was cold and generally gave off this attitude that she did not give a shit whether I came onboard or not.  Immediately when the second interview ended, I wanted to call up the first startup and tell them “I ACCEPT!” However, my parent’s words about caution and thinking things through started creeping in from the back of my mind.  Once again, I was doubting my own judgment and hesitating on what I felt was the right course of action.

In my doubt came anger and then shame.  I felt that I was betraying myself by not following my own intuition which has served me so well for so long.  I had always blazed my own path and marched to the tune of my own drummer, yet here I was making the most important decision of possibly the year and doubting myself because of my parents.  A shameful moment indeed.   

After this epiphany, I picked up the phone, dialed my mom and told her I was going to accept the offer the next day.  She tried to tell me not to rush the decision, but I was having none of it, my mind was made up.  My choice, once again ended up being the correct one as I am currently having the best internship experience of my life. 

Morale of the story? Understand that being close to your family does not mean that you have to listen to them.

-muffinman

Second interview in Shanghai

Right after visiting M50, Jeanni and I decided to go to Ikea, which resided across the city. In exchange for my company, we detoured to check out the site of my second interview, which was to be at what I thought was either the company office or one of the brick and mortar company supermarkets. The address that was given to me led me straight into a food mall and after asking a waiter at one of the restaurants, we were directed to a corner on the first floor. That is where I found the pitiful restaurant that bore the name of the company I was interviewing for. Puzzled, shocked and feeling duped, I stared at the tiny restaurant in disbelief. That is when the staff of the restaurant noticed Jeanni and I just staring and approached us. In broken English, one of the staff explained to us that the food was healthy and very good. I thought perhaps the restaurant was a chain, but the staff was puzzled by that question and replied that this was the only restaurant.

I left the food mall extremely confused with what exactly I had gotten myself into. Jeanni wondered aloud why such a small restaurant would need such an educated intern. She seemed to be angry over the discovery, and strongly suggested that I not go to the interview because she thought it would be nothing but a waste of time. However, I was too intrigued about what I had seen to not go. After all, what could such a small restaurant want with a foreign college intern? I was missing a piece of the puzzle and I was most definitely going to the interview to find it.

The interview turned out to be not much of an interview at all, but more of a “you are in and this is what we do” info session. I was surprised to run into Kelly, another UC student upon my arrival at the restaurant. Good thing she was there too, because some serious translating was necessary due to the fact that the interviewer’s English was insufficient to adequately explain what the company did. Halfway through the interview, I grew impatient with the interviewer because I was the one asking all the questions and it seemed that our roles were switched. So I asked the interviewer if he had any questions for me about my resume. To which he replied “no” and stated that my resume was quite impressive. He even said that he thought it was fated that we met. A little taken aback, I laughingly told him that he might be right because I had previously turned down an internship offer to be at the interview.

So what exactly does this company do? It turns out that the restaurant we were conducting the interview in had only been open for two months and was only a small part of their business. The company’s main business was catering for large companies and offices. The restaurant I was sitting in was meant to be a testing site for the food, but they were planning to open fifteen more restaurants over the next two years in Shanghai. Currently, the company has eight contracts with various offices, including a bank. The interviewer spoke repeatedly about wanting to standardize Chinese food and told me about how the company had a factory just outside of Shanghai that they ship the food from. Their competitive advantage, the interviewer claimed, was that their food was healthy, as in low in sodium and with no MSG. The reason the company wanted foreign interns was because it wanted to target multinational corporations and foreign companies. To lend legitimacy to all of this, the interview told Kelly and me how this was his second start up and that his first company, which was also a restaurant chain, was going to IPO in Shenzhen in two months.

This internship has got me extremely excited for the next couple of months. I was getting tired of not doing anything productive the past month in Shanghai. In short, I actually miss work. The chance to work in a Chinese start up is simply too exciting. However improbable, I have visions of sealing catering deals over business dinners with representatives from foreign companies more than twice my age. The interviewer heavily stressed that because the company was so young, Kelly and I would be able to do actual and significant work, so my vision could come true.

I am still awaiting my marching orders, but I was told two weeks ago that I would be starting soon after national week. Cannot wait.

-muffinman

First interview in Shanghai

Last Friday was my first interview ever in Shanghai and surprisingly, it went very well, despite my predicament in getting there and zero preparation.

To keep from being late, I left the apartment at 11am which would give me three hours to get to the meeting place, and I was told by an old intern that it was just a 45 minute commute to get there. I figured this would be more than enough time even for a directionally incompetent person like me. And I was right, but just by 30 minutes. It turned out that the place where I thought the Starbucks was, was actually nowhere near where I should have been. As I stood in front of the massage parlor that should have been the office of the company I was interviewing for, it became increasingly apparent that I was in the wrong place.

Pacing back and forth in the street on my cell phone trying to explain where I was to my contact person in the company in the face of my nearing interview time and dying cell phone battery, I must have been a curious sight to the woman watching me behind her store door. When the person on the phone told me to go ask a local to explain to her where I was, I noticed the woman watching me in the store. Smilingly, I approached her and tried my best with English and hand gestures to get her to take my phone. However, she kept refusing and repeatedly told me that she did not speak English and that it was not her phone. Exasperated, I asked the woman on the phone how to ask for help in Putonghua and repeated it to the store woman. The store woman relented and took the phone, things were finally starting to go right. Once the phone was in the hands of the local, my location problem was solved. I was instructed to take a cab to the Starbucks, because I was just too far away. When I hailed a cab, the store woman noticed I was having trouble with the taxi driver and came out of her store to help without me asking. For the third time in a week, I was being saved by a complete stranger.

The interview itself went very well, I do not think I have ever sounded so qualified for a job that I had applied for. Ironically, I had not prepared at all for the interview because I did not think it was an interview at all. From the email, I had just thought this was a casual meet up so I did not prepare anything at all. Luckily, previously in Los Angeles, I had sketched out some marketing plans for the company while stuck in traffic, just to pass the time, so when the owner of the company asked me what ideas I had for the company I not only had something, but very detailed plans as well. What was even more extraordinary was that many of the ideas I had suggested, the company had just started implementing just two weeks ago. More amazingly, the detail in which my plans matched with what they were doing came down to things as small as using specifically Yelp to do market research. Yes, what I had thought about in my car months ago was actually coming to fruition half a world away three months later. Needless to say, I was very impressed with myself.

The owner of the company must have been impressed with me too, because she was very enthusiastic about me joining the company. She told me not to worry about hours because she was very flexible and that I could work at home but that she preferred me to be at the office. Then she took me the office and introduced me to everybody on the team, even going so far as to show me detailed reports about their social media marketing efforts and then asking me for suggestions based off the information. I think I burst her bubble, when I told her that I was not sure whether I was going to take the internship and that I would make up my mind by Friday.

Currently, I am still on the fence about it, but leaning towards not taking internship. Part of the reason is because the internship will have me doing the same social media work that I have been doing for the past year, and will teach me nothing about the Chinese market. The focus on the American market makes this internship comparable to something I could get in the states. Another and bigger reason for me not taking the internship is because I am simply having too much fun! Shanghai is the first time I have been able to enjoy my time off. The people and places that I have been encountering have made the last week one of the most memorable of my life, and I feel that working might get in the way of experiencing China to the fullest.

Of course, there are reasons to take the internship, such as the fact that it will still be a learning experience. The Christmas shopping season is coming up, meaning that there will be a lot of activity at the company. The founders of the company are still young and seem to be pretty connected which makes this internship an above average networking opportunity. Also, the company itself is just four years old and it has been growing a lot each year, to be part of this continuing growth would look good on my resume.

If only they offered to pay me, then this decision would not be so difficult.

-muffinman

Interning in Los Angeles (Part 4)

The most enjoyable part of the internship are not the events I attend, nor the rich, famous and powerful figures that I meet at them, but rather the chance to work with and befriend such an amazing group of people.  This is by far the best team that I have ever worked with and it is my pleasure to introduce some of the people that I work with on this blog.

Christian

Simply stated, Christian is the heart of the team. His bouncing off the wall personality combined with his off the cuff remarks can cheer anyone up in a split second. Always the one to cut the tension in the room, frequently puts himself out there with no fear of embarrassment. Throughout the internship, he repeatedly assured me that he had my back and stayed true to his word. While others faltered and shirked their responsibilities, Christian could be counted on to pick up the ball. I would often joke to the other interns that all Christian had was heart, because some of the things he did were just plain ridiculous. However, I would always follow that joke up by saying that heart is sometimes all you need and that you cannot teach it.

With Christian’s big heart come big dreams of one day becoming a congressman and being able to serve the community. Usually I am highly skeptical of people who claim to want to serve the community because often times it is nothing but lies. When I talked to Christian about his dreams, I saw in his eyes and heard in his voice a very real and strong conviction to help the community. Witnessing Christian’s compassion for the homeless convinced me of his willingness to help his fellow man. At the first event I went to, I found myself with Christian and his girlfriend talking to homeless people. Christian and his girlfriend actively reached out to these two homeless persons, going as far as offering to buy them food. I really admired him for that because in all honesty I would not have given those a passing glance much less talk to them.

I believe in Christian so much that if he were to ever run for public office, I would be the first one to join his campaign because I know he will always have the interests of the community at heart.


Monica

Christian extraordinaire, excessively frail, incredibly lame, ridiculously cutesy and a great friend are just some of the things that come to mind about the intern that I became closest to at the end of the program. Monica’s picture is deceivingly reserved, but under the layers of calm lies a strong willed personality. By far the most overworked and abused intern in terms of her office assignment, Monica handled it all with grace, only complaining about her situation after I repeatedly pointed out how terrible it was. Working on the project, she was one of the interns that I counted on the most due to her journalism experience and work ethic. Even now, I am not quite sure how she managed to accomplish all the things I assigned her.

More than being a great worker, Monica was an even better friend. I always felt comfortable talking to her and more importantly, she seemed to genuinely care about my well being. She was constantly concerned about how obsessed I was getting with the project and work; and gave me a hard time about being a workaholic. A mother at heart, Monica would roll her eyes and sigh every time I swore or did something immature. Often times, she was the voice of reason and compassion to my irrational and harsh outbursts.

Monica’s large capacity to care and great understanding of me (oddly enough) leads me to believe that she will be a close friend for the foreseeable future.


Kristina

I spent by far the most time with Kristina during my eight weeks in Los Angeles. She was the only intern with whom I would spend late nights at the office with. Kristina has the uncanny ability to work with absolutely no sleep and not look tired the next day. There was no question of her dedication and skill, in fact, most of the handbook design was done by her. Kristina’s handbook design surpassed my expectations and I cannot fathom how terrible the handbook would have looked without her.

Even though she dressed the most professional out of all the interns, Kristina has quite the wild side. Her stories of almost getting into fights and being extremely possessive of her boyfriend were extremely surprising given the fact that she does not drink and for the most part walks the line. In addition to being wild, Kristina is one of the most generous people I know. Her constant need to pay and unwillingness to let me repay her, however, admirable, bordered on the annoying. Talking to Kristina always made me feel appreciated. She gave me confidence throughout the internship without even realizing it.

Despite all of this, the most memorable thing about Kristina was the fact that she gave me the best goodbye hug I have ever received!

Interning in Los Angeles (Part 3)

The greatest irony for me this summer was the fact that this research project was done on social media. After leaving UCSD and working on social media marketing projects for the better half of the year, I was ready to move on and experiment with something else. When my idea for doing the project on examining the relationship between the LAPD and Asian communities received little fanfare from the other interns, I threw my weight behind Kristina’s idea of social media. I gave a direction to the social media project idea by suggesting we make a handbook that taught the basics of social media to small non-profits and politicians. Surprisingly, I was nominated to be leader of the project Kristina and even more surprisingly nobody opposed it. Suddenly, I found myself leading a project on something I had wanted to get away from.

Thankfully, I had a very talented group of people supporting me. I had the vision of the project, but without the help of the other interns, that vision would have never become reality. For the most part everybody worked well together and the team dynamics of the CASIC class were great. Everybody contributed to the project in some way, and some even gave more than was asked or expected of them. To date, I have never worked with a better team.

All the things I learned during my time in CASIC pales in comparison to the friends that I have made. I really bonded with Monica, Kristina and Christian and I think we will be lifelong friends. Christian already tells me that he has my back and to never hesitate to call him if I need help. Even though it has only been eight weeks, graduating from CASIC is a heart breaking experience.

Interning in Los Angeles (Part 2)

The Monday weekly meetings with various famous persons was icing on the cake. In the all star line-up that we met with, John Kobara and Judge Ronald Lew were the standouts. Mr. Kobara’s engaging and high energy speaking style made the whole experience memorable. I took his witty life advice to heart and it was very reassuring to know that some of the advice that he was dishing out, I was already following, especially the part about not listening to your parents. The self help S.W.I.V.E.L. worksheet that he had handed out during his presentation is incredibly helpful, so much so that I have shared it with multiple friends. On the other hand, the meeting with Judge Lew went completely differently. Judge Lew spoke softly and slowly but his words had so much weight that they just stuck to my mind. The judge would often pause before answering a question and during that moment of silence, I could not help but hold my breath. When Judge Lew paused the world stopped and it only resumed once he had found the perfect words to express his thoughts. To me Judge Lew is a real life sage from one of those myths of old. I can imagine him giving advice to a young hero, advice that the hero ignores at his own peril. A large part of what makes the internship program so amazing is the fact that we are connected to such amazing people. I doubt I would have been able to meet any of these individuals by myself.

Every week I found myself going to at least one event, often times at the last minute because I would forget that there was even an event that day. The first event I went to was the Lilian Kawasaki fundraiser, which was terribly awkward. It was a very small fundraiser consisting of maybe ten people and all of them were familiar with each other. This made it extremely difficult to strike up a conversation and it did not help that many of them were old white men. However, Lilian tried her best to introduce us to people and facilitate conversation, so all in all it was not a terrible first experience. As I attended more and more events, I became better at networking and so the events became less awkward and more fun. The highlight of all these events occurred at the last event that I attended, at the APALP fundraiser where I found myself having a give and take conversation with LAFD Fire Chief Emile Mack. I ended that night standing next to State Controller John Chiang and just joking with him, completely relaxed and enjoying the moment.

I really appreciated the events because it allowed me to see a part of society that I had not seen before. At events, I was finding myself surrounded by the elite of our society. These men and women were the ones who made or broke candidates before the election even started. I stood in awe of their mannerisms and poise, things that I had only seen in fictional television programs.

-muffinman

Interning in Los Angeles (Part 1)

Taking on this internship has been the perfect way to complete my transformative year. I applied for the internship program on a whim for the express purpose of having something to do for the summer. There was not much investment on my part in getting the internship, I was perfectly happy with wasting time at home until I flew off to Shanghai, though in hindsight, I am glad that I was given this opportunity. Being an intern has been eye opening and rewarding experience. I cannot imagine having a more life changing eight weeks.

This in no way means that the internship went perfectly. On the onset there was the problem of my less than ideal office assignment and later there were some problems of team dynamics. I realize now that a big part for the success of this internship was because I went out of my way to make it my own.

My assignment at the assemblymember's  was the biggest disappointment of the internship. For the first two weeks I was stuck doing calls for inviting people to an intern reception. My only escape from calls came from a staffer who wanted to get away from the office and took pity on me. Melissa, who was the intern coordinator for the office, had very little to offer besides a nice personality. She did not have much experience with politics, since this was her first full time job out of college. I am at a loss at how the assemblymember's office was so highly praised by chair of the non-profit. It had probably something to do with the fact that the Assembly member was terming out, and everyone in the office was looking for a job.

Being allowed to work at the non-profit office really salvaged this summer for me. I am glad I stepped up and complained as loudly and ardently as I did, because throughout my time at the non-profit, the director was a great mentor. His eagerness to share his experiences in politics has been nothing short of enlightening. The director is chockfull of stories and sage advice that I would have never heard, had I simply stayed at the assemblymember's office. In addition, he always took the time to answer my questions, no matter how simple, and because of this, I was able to know the backgrounds I of the elected officials that I met, making it easier for me to talk to them. Most importantly, however, the director let me have my own projects in the office and asked for input on many of the things that he was working on. In fact, at times it was a bit overwhelming because he would ask for my opinions on things that I felt were far too important for me. Almost every day at the office was an experience to be remembered. I am not sure whether it was his union background or just his personality but things in office were always very open. Many times, office behavior from both of us deviated far from professionalism, but that was what made it so great to work with the director. I could always be honest in my opinion around him and if we disagreed, we simply agreed to disagree. There were never any hard feelings. I did not realize the full extent of how much of a mentor the director was for me until a week before the end of the program, and now that I have, I have come to value my time at the non-profit office all the more.

Sorry Monica but I just had to!

After graduation from my internship program, one of the interns Monica gave me the sweetest card ever.

I am going to miss all the interns.



- muffinman