In Shanghai things move fast and this is no different with friendships. One day someone calls you their brother and the next they do not bother calling you at all.
What happened these past ten days is nothing short of heartbreaking. It began with me coming back from Hong Kong, where I was once again struck with loneliness. Coming to an environment where I was perpetually alone was tough after having spent nine days surrounded by family. Away from home, family and friends, that week back in Shanghai was perhaps the loneliest I have ever felt in my life.
After a week of not hearing from my closest friend in Shanghai all I got was a cold instant message asking me “so are you alive?” Hurt by such an insensitive question after not having heard from me for so long, I explained to her how upset and lonely I was, hoping for a shred of sympathy. I wanted to hear some kind words from the girl that just a few months ago came to my door when I was upset and tried her best to reach me when I was trying to push away the world. Instead, all I got was an incomplete instant messaging conversation and a handful of texts over the next week, that contained half apologies and responses that made me want to text back “fuck you."
No visit, no calls and not even an email trying to cheer me up. Being let go is never a nice feeling but when it happens when you are at your lowest point, it is a whole other level of terrible.
Right now at 6am in the morning, my hopes that she still cares and will genuinely try to reach out to me are being dashed by the second as the time for her departing flight approaches.
What to do but live and learn?
-muffinman
