State of My Family Relations: Conclusion

After more than a month since the Revisited entry, I am glad to say that I have made a decision and acted on it.

For the past month, I have been in touch with my parents and sister trying to build up that family I never had. Many hours have been spent on the phone with my mom and sister, learning about their lives, giving them advice and filling them in on my own life.  True to her word, my mom has been trying to be more understanding and has even admitted she was wrong more than once!  Though there are still some things that we cannot connect on, such as why having a significant other is different from having a close friend, I definitely feel a change.

Talking to my sister has been an eye opening experience.  When my family visited me during the July 4th weekend, I asked my sister if she wanted to stay the night at my apartment in order to escape our parents.  After some moments of indecision (she is a girl after all), she accepted my offer and we spent the night talking over brick toast and boba.  I learned a lot about her that night and most of it was downright troubling.  She told me about her childhood friend that was now backstabbing her over club politics, and how she could not bear to let that friend go because she viewed her as the only close friend that she has.  She talked about her obsession to be the best and the envy of others that consumes her.  What struck me the most about everything was how similar my sister sounded to my friend Jennie.  With that in mind I have asked Jennie to mentor my sister, which she has agreed to do, so that my sister can learn from Jennie's mistakes and maybe have happy high school memories.

Now when I talk to my sister on the phone, I spend at least half an hour just listening to her talk about her life.  Most of the conversation is her complaining about something and even though I feel some of the things she gets upset over are silly and petty, I remind myself that I used to be that way too and that those same issues meant the world to me.  So I listen and give her the advice I learned through my own experiences.  Mostly simple things such as how to deal with mom wanting you to go to bed early (pretend to sleep and just sneak back on the computer after mom falls asleep) and what to do in an argument (stay calm and do not yell!).  All this advice giving has me feeling feeling like a brother, how strange.

Once I even mediated an argument between my sister and mom.  It was frustrating, but in the end quite the rewarding experience.  At the end of the call I just felt so much older, there was even a feeling of authority like I was becoming the patriarch of the family.  But I cannot call myself that till I reach out and connect with the extended family.  I have facebooked my cousin in LA, but so far no luck.  Maybe I will try again soon, my time in LA is running out.

All this progress is not to say that my feelings of running away have disappeared.  In the back of my mind, this new connection with my family feels like a sort of dependence and to someone like me who has been fiercely independent his whole life, it feels like a weakness.  There is a small voice in my mind telling me that this is all wrong and that I should get away while I still have the chance.  A part of me still wants to stay as far away as possible from my family.

I do not know if I will ever be as close to my family as some of the friends that I envy, but I am definitely trying.  That reminds me, I have not called my sister in over a week.

-muffinman