Treating New Year's resolutions like college applications

I met up with emoinacloset today and since it was New Year's day, we naturally began to talk about our resolutions. Emoinacloset was telling me about how he makes the same resolutions every year (which can be seen in his blog post) and how he refers to them as his reach resolutions. The word "reach" lit a light bulb in my mind and I asked emoinacloset, "didn't we have those things called reach colleges, what were the other two categories?" He thought for a moment and quickly threw out the words "safety" and "target."

So in order to celebrate the completion of college applications by our younger readers, also known as Katrina, I have decided to arrange my resolutions in the categories of safety, target and reach.

Safety resolutions - All I have to do is stay alive to keep these resolutions
1) Keep breathing/Stay alive
I figure I have been doing this for 19 years so it should be a pretty safe bet.

2) Staying clean (hygiene wise)
Taking showers and brushing my teeth everyday is doing wonders for me, so I am going to continue this cleanliness trend for the new year.

Target resolutions - Effort is required to keep these resolutions
1) Acquire a 4.0 for the next two quarters
As some of you may know, I really messed up this grade wise and in order to make up for that I resolve to do really well in school for the next two quarters! This may be the cliche Asian New Year's resolution but so what?! I am a fucking Anthropology and Economics major, I need good grades to even a get a job!

2) Do some actual marketing at my job
Currently, the only marketing aspect of my job happens in my job title. I hope to change that by proposing ideas like I did at my interview and then actually executing them. This way I can develop my own marketing strategies and see what really works. Come to think of it, I do not even know how we are marketing the station.

3) Make some more friends
Like many other people the eagerness to throw myself at strangers has dissipated after freshman year, which is quite a shame. The fact that I really only made one friend (Thuy), depresses me to no end especially since what makes college so fun is meeting new people.

Reach resolutions - I would shit bricks if any of these resolutions came true
1) Win a Nobel Peace Prize
I aim to do this by advocating peace on this blog. As readership grows, the Nobel committee will take not of my selfless actions. Obama got a prize even while escalating the war in Afghanistan, why can I not get one for blogging about peace every once in awhile.

2) Make my first million dollars
Why not start early on my way to becoming a multimillionaire? To increase my odds of keeping this resolution, I am going to tackle it in three ways. First, by working towards that book deal by writing in this blog. Second, by building a marketing team on campus and forming it into a company. Lastly, by buying lotto tickets every time the jackpot is over two million.

3) Get a girlfriend
Self explanatory as to why, but not sure on how this is going to happen.

-muffinman