Something Missing

Robocop here. I'm actually feeling like getting my thoughts out, so I thought I'd put this feeling to good use

Let me just preface this by saying that I'm not a natural writer, so naturally, I've been having trouble finding my own voice for my blog entries. I think I'll be playing around with different voices for the first several entries and find my center that way. I know my first entry sounded melodramatic as hell, and I promise... I'll try to tone it down for this one.

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So, you know why my name is Robocop, but I guess you really don't know anything about me yet. Well as it turns out, I don't either. I guess you could say I'm on that ultimate quest to find myself. Some call it the journey to enlightenment. Others call it the path to Jesus. People from all walks of life have pegged different names to it, and that I'm totally okay with because I'm not particularly religious.
SIDEBAR: Let's just NOT start a flame war about what religion I should subscribe to. This isn't Youtube.

I've actually taken a year off for this journey of mine and thought it'd be fun to log my feelings, perceptions, and hopefully-soon-to-come epiphanies. So.. let me fill you in.


guess it started during the latter parts of the senior year of high school. If you are anywhere around my age (yeah.. you're going to have to guess), you know what it's like.

You're just a couple of chores, assignments, and long, boring days of class away from the party life! Smirnoff here I come! You're just inching to get that dog collar you call your parents' authority off your neck and kick it at your dorm-your own place-with your buds.

Me? I didn't look forward to it at all. When I got that college acceptance letter in the mail, I felt absolutely nothing. I wasn't excited at all. I should have noticed something was wrong then. I should have been able to connect the dots, but I pushed that thought aside and fell into the mold society had provided for me. College was the next step. After high school, people went to college. No gap year. This was just how it was.

So, I went to college.
I made wonderful friends and had a blast, but the whole time I was there, there was something missing. It was an issue that I could no longer ignore.

I looked around me and saw these friends of mine, having the time of their lives. Some knew what they were going to do with their lives. Others did not. But all were very much in tune with themselves. They exuded a sense of stability and self-awareness that I didn't possess. Not only that, but college meant something to these people. College was a step towards monetary success, an invaluable source of new knowledge, and path to new life experiences. This will sound strange, but I couldn't care less about these things. There was still something fundamentally missing. I just wouldn't be happy until I had figured it out.

And so, not being able to bear with such a feeling and not ever wanting my college experience to be one of aimless wandering, I took a year off to get some perspective- to find myself.

I know this all sounds very vague, and maybe, I'm not conveying this as well as I could have. But very simply put, I guess one could say that we are all lost at some point in our lives, but when we are lost, we usually have that one thing we hold on to. The one thing that steadies and guides us when we have forgotten the way ahead.

However, I seem to have been lost at sea without a compass for some time and have only just started to wonder where I am in this universe.

I must admit that the goal to find myself during my gap year is a bit ambitious, but if anything, this gap year will serve as a wonderful beginning to a renewed self, and this blog a wonderful way to convey that beginning.

-Robocop

p.s. Although this entry was a bit more serious, I hope this was better. There was a trade off, it seems. While making the entry less dramatic, I coincidentally made it terribly long. I also hope that things will become clearer for you guys as I write more.