Hey guys,
.
Long time no... write?
Anyway, 2009 has been interesting- interesting in the sense that this year has been a host to my gap year.
I thought I would just write about a few things I am thankful for; some of these are obvious cliches, but I mean them nevertheless.
(These aren't in any particular order except for the first two)
1) My family.
Haha yeah, I saw that one coming from a mile away too. This year, though, has brought me a lot closer to my family. I don't think I have ever been this close to them at any point in time, and I am grateful that this gap year gave me the opportunity of developing a deeper bond with those who are and will be there for me no matter what the circumstance.
2) Friends that bitch and whine about how hard it is to reach me.
I guess that's a bit too strong. Let me elaborate.
For those of you that know me even a little, it is supernaturally difficult to get in touch with me unless you are the persevering type (*cough* muffinman... *cough* emoinacloset). The difficulty arises from the fact that where many find picking up their cell and phoning a friend easy, I find fantastically difficult.
Wait no, let me rephrase that. The thought to reconnect with them really never crosses my mind. Of course, this sounds terrible, but circling back to the heart of the matter, I am grateful for he friends that have slapped (or as muffin loves to say, "beat the shit out of") some sense into me and have put me back on course to reestablishing weakened bonds. Muffin... I like the sound of that.
I'm also thankful for the friends that have stuck by me during my pathetic, little phase. I use past tense, because I feel like I'm out of the woods now. It's almost like I know what a true friendship is all about. *tear* Make friends, and then, try to keep them. A truly novel idea. Genius, really.
3) My balls.
You thought that Jesus was going to be #3 didn't you?
I do have some shame in admitting that during most of my teenage years, I invested a lot of time, with no beneficial return, into the internet-especially, Youtube.
Now after watching about three dozen videos that involve the idiotic, but oh-so-hilarious injuries to a great number of people's balls all across the world, I am so grateful that mine are still intact and going 19 years strong. I love you guys.
4) Oh right, MIT.
MIT is an institution that likens the education that it provides to drinking water from a fire hose. Now having taken a gap year and still being a freshman undergraduate, I admit that I am thoroughly scared shitless of what goes on behind the scenes of it all- the late-night cries of pain and agony over unfinished problem sets, the early-morning cries of pain and agony over unfinished problem sets, and then my favorite: "fuck it all, I am going to sleep".
However, MIT is at the forefront of science and technology. Science is where my head is at, and I am so lucky to be given the chance to go learn from the best of the best.
So to those responsible for my admission to MIT, I thank you with all my heart. And here's hoping that in a few decades, my admission officers will be the thanking me for going to MIT (probably because I will have cured AIDs, cancer, and male-pattern baldness) and bringing their institution even more fame and honor.
Lol.. bullshit!
5) Pain. Heartbreak. yada yada yada..
If we didn't have pain, I doubt we would know what happiness was. If we didn't have heartbreak, I'm not sure if we would feel lucky when we actually met that special someone.
When one door closes, another opens, right? I guess, pain would be the long ass hallways, the lack of sufficient lighting, and all the chairs and tables we bump into along the way. But fuck aren't we happy when we finally feel that door knob? We've become masters of our pain, and pain has become our guide into the future.
I'll add more if I think of them tonight.
Happy New Year everyone!
We are one year closer to the end of mankind!
Cheers,
Robocop
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I guess she's over me
Who knew that when I met up with Jennie for coffee at ARC, she would drop a bombshell on me.
The conversation at coffee went something like this:
"Oh by the way how is Nitya (ex-girlfriend) doing?" (I like to keep tabs on people)
"She is doing well with her boyfriend"
(In my mind while keeping a somewhat calm demeanor, I thought to myself "WAIT?! What? Backtrack for a minute. Did she just say that Nitya has a boyfriend?")
"When did she meet him?"
"During second summer session"
"WHAT the fuck ... they have been going out for 5 months and you have not said anything about it?"
(nonchalantly)"I thought you knew"
(I am pretty annoyed at Jennie at this point, but remembering how clueless she can be, I forgave her and began to ask questions about him.)
What else did I gather about this boyfriend from my meeting with Jennie?
For starters, he goes to UCLA, which is incredibly surprising. I would have thought that after me, Nitya would have avoided long distance relationships like the plague. Good to know that I did not ruin things for her. Also he is a Junior in college, which is no surprise, she always went after the older crowd. And so far things seem to be working out with them.
But wait, why is this such a big deal you may ask? After all muffinman, your relationship with her ended a year ago.
However, what you may not know is that ever since the disaster with Anna, I have entertained the idea that things could go back to the way they were with Nitya. Of course this was a foolish idea, because of how badly the relationship ended, but it was always in the back of my mind. It gave me hope to think that there was at least someone out there for me.
Really though, it is better this way.
It is time to look towards the future for someone, because there is no one for me in the past.
-muffinman
PS: Nitya, you probably will not read this, but I wish you all the best. From what I hear, this boyfriend of yours seems to put a lot more effort into the long distance relationship than I ever did. Hopefully he treats you better than I did. Sorry for everything.
The conversation at coffee went something like this:
"Oh by the way how is Nitya (ex-girlfriend) doing?" (I like to keep tabs on people)
"She is doing well with her boyfriend"
(In my mind while keeping a somewhat calm demeanor, I thought to myself "WAIT?! What? Backtrack for a minute. Did she just say that Nitya has a boyfriend?")
"When did she meet him?"
"During second summer session"
"WHAT the fuck ... they have been going out for 5 months and you have not said anything about it?"
(nonchalantly)"I thought you knew"
(I am pretty annoyed at Jennie at this point, but remembering how clueless she can be, I forgave her and began to ask questions about him.)
What else did I gather about this boyfriend from my meeting with Jennie?
For starters, he goes to UCLA, which is incredibly surprising. I would have thought that after me, Nitya would have avoided long distance relationships like the plague. Good to know that I did not ruin things for her. Also he is a Junior in college, which is no surprise, she always went after the older crowd. And so far things seem to be working out with them.
But wait, why is this such a big deal you may ask? After all muffinman, your relationship with her ended a year ago.
However, what you may not know is that ever since the disaster with Anna, I have entertained the idea that things could go back to the way they were with Nitya. Of course this was a foolish idea, because of how badly the relationship ended, but it was always in the back of my mind. It gave me hope to think that there was at least someone out there for me.
Really though, it is better this way.
It is time to look towards the future for someone, because there is no one for me in the past.
-muffinman
PS: Nitya, you probably will not read this, but I wish you all the best. From what I hear, this boyfriend of yours seems to put a lot more effort into the long distance relationship than I ever did. Hopefully he treats you better than I did. Sorry for everything.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Eat All The Dicks
It was finals season, a time when people panic and suddenly realize not going to class and not taking notes for the past semester might really hurt them when they take the final exam. One of my good friends got bombarded by forty or so mass emails asking all their classmates for their notes. However, one person in his class eventually got so fed up with the begging and the whining, she felt compelled to write an impassioned, bitchy letter directed to the people who had been spamming her inbox for the past week.
To my dearest classmates,
This is addressed to all of you have been bombarding our inboxes with desperate cries for notes. If you haven't got notes by now, you are pretty much screwed for the exam. Hence, there is no point in trying to get people to send you notes by making up half-assed stories about how your notes got stolen/destroyed/eaten. If you really don't have notes, read the damn books that he assigned to us and stop being so lazy.
I think I speak on behalf of all the people who got through the final one way or another without having to beg for notes. Happy holidays guys.
Love,
Sheena
But of course, a bitch that barks is eventually going to get put down.
Dearest Sheena,
Earlier, you wrote an impassioned, well written, and relatively reasonable letter to a number of your classmates. I, unfortunately, am not a reasonable person, and I'm petty. Partly because, like you, I am finished with exams and partly because I'm a little drunk right now, I would like to respond. It may lack the prose and logic of your e-mail, but I assure you that it is written with an equal amount of passion and contempt.
You are understandably upset that your mailbox is being flooded with pleas for help, especially if you are unable to provide the materials that would resolve their problem. You can't give them what they want and, because you are perfect and everyone else is stupid and lazy, you can't sympathize with those those who don't have notes because of health issues, conflicting priorities, or experienced the unfortunate sabotage by Peruvian flute bands. So, with the rational mind of a total bitch, you thought, "Hey! Why don't I tell these people how screwed they are, explain why they're inferior, and then end my tirade with mock sweetness." Well done cunty, you really proved how difficult it is to hit the delete button so you can make room for those e-mails from Japanese business men setting up the time and place for your Christmas Eve bukkake.
I'd like to leave you with a quote from one of my favorite writers. I feel it adequately captures the sentiment of this e-mail, and it is far more inventive than anything I've managed to put into words thus far:
"Eat all the dicks. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the dicks. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating. Keep eating dicks, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that you’ve had enough dicks, but you will be wrong: You will never have eaten enough dicks. You may say 'I don’t care what you think,' to which I’d respond, 'That’s some tough talk for someone with an acre of dicks in their mouth.'
And even when you meekly protest that they don’t measure dicks in acres, I won’t be able to hear you.
Because of all the dicks."
Happy holidays you jackass, and to the rest of my classmates who showed the moral fortitude to simply ignore the e-mails from people asking for help, rather than berate them, I congratulate you on being a far more decent person than Sheena a.k.a the Nut Gobbler. And if you have typed up your notes and it isn't too much trouble, help out your classmates. You probably don't know them and therefore don't owe them anything, but consider that it's the holiday season and who among us hasn't needed help with an exam in the past? Anyway, have a great winter break everyone who isn't Sheena, I hope you manage to get through your finals okay and that your semester ends well.
Sincerely,
Harry Burnett Reese, [a.k.a. the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup guy]
Sheena 0, "Harry Reese" 1. I believe the term is "pwnd".
-Emoinacloset
To my dearest classmates,
This is addressed to all of you have been bombarding our inboxes with desperate cries for notes. If you haven't got notes by now, you are pretty much screwed for the exam. Hence, there is no point in trying to get people to send you notes by making up half-assed stories about how your notes got stolen/destroyed/eaten. If you really don't have notes, read the damn books that he assigned to us and stop being so lazy.
I think I speak on behalf of all the people who got through the final one way or another without having to beg for notes. Happy holidays guys.
Love,
Sheena
But of course, a bitch that barks is eventually going to get put down.
Dearest Sheena,
Earlier, you wrote an impassioned, well written, and relatively reasonable letter to a number of your classmates. I, unfortunately, am not a reasonable person, and I'm petty. Partly because, like you, I am finished with exams and partly because I'm a little drunk right now, I would like to respond. It may lack the prose and logic of your e-mail, but I assure you that it is written with an equal amount of passion and contempt.
You are understandably upset that your mailbox is being flooded with pleas for help, especially if you are unable to provide the materials that would resolve their problem. You can't give them what they want and, because you are perfect and everyone else is stupid and lazy, you can't sympathize with those those who don't have notes because of health issues, conflicting priorities, or experienced the unfortunate sabotage by Peruvian flute bands. So, with the rational mind of a total bitch, you thought, "Hey! Why don't I tell these people how screwed they are, explain why they're inferior, and then end my tirade with mock sweetness." Well done cunty, you really proved how difficult it is to hit the delete button so you can make room for those e-mails from Japanese business men setting up the time and place for your Christmas Eve bukkake.
I'd like to leave you with a quote from one of my favorite writers. I feel it adequately captures the sentiment of this e-mail, and it is far more inventive than anything I've managed to put into words thus far:
"Eat all the dicks. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the dicks. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating. Keep eating dicks, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that you’ve had enough dicks, but you will be wrong: You will never have eaten enough dicks. You may say 'I don’t care what you think,' to which I’d respond, 'That’s some tough talk for someone with an acre of dicks in their mouth.'
And even when you meekly protest that they don’t measure dicks in acres, I won’t be able to hear you.
Because of all the dicks."
Happy holidays you jackass, and to the rest of my classmates who showed the moral fortitude to simply ignore the e-mails from people asking for help, rather than berate them, I congratulate you on being a far more decent person than Sheena a.k.a the Nut Gobbler. And if you have typed up your notes and it isn't too much trouble, help out your classmates. You probably don't know them and therefore don't owe them anything, but consider that it's the holiday season and who among us hasn't needed help with an exam in the past? Anyway, have a great winter break everyone who isn't Sheena, I hope you manage to get through your finals okay and that your semester ends well.
Sincerely,
Harry Burnett Reese, [a.k.a. the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup guy]
Sheena 0, "Harry Reese" 1. I believe the term is "pwnd".
-Emoinacloset
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Is ASD where love happens?
Been laying off this entry for awhile.
I was talking to Katrina on Tuesday, (after she blasted my nuts with a kick during sparring earlier in the day) and she told me that she had just been asked out by a guy whom she had just met that day at the Academy of Self Defense (ASD). Maybe Katrina hit him really hard and in a daze he saw how cute she was or maybe he finds girls in sparring gear really attractive? Interestingly, this is the second time someone has fallen for Katrina at ASD, which begs the question , is this where love happens?
Thinking back, I realized that there have been a lot of crushes that went on during my time at ASD. Katrina herself fell for someone at ASD once, and one of my better friends at the gym, Will, met his girlfriend there. To top it all off, Will just got engaged to that same girlfriend a couple of months ago at ASD!
When I went in to do Jiu Jitsu, I swear I was unknowingly caught up in a guy's attempt to impress a girl. While I was working with my girl partner, this random guy, Javier, came up and just took me down. At first I thought it was all in good fun, but when Javier took the girl aside and started showing her some moves, I realized that the take down was done to impress her. Even my instructor seemed to be in on it, and at one point told him to leave the girl alone. Perhaps Javier saw me as a threat, but whatever the reason, he continued to show off on me for the rest of the night! I even got flipped once! Despite getting completely destroyed that night, I have no ill will towards Javier because I learned a lot from him.
In short, if ASD is really where love happens, does this mean that if I stay there long enough I will find my next girlfriend?
-muffinman
I was talking to Katrina on Tuesday, (after she blasted my nuts with a kick during sparring earlier in the day) and she told me that she had just been asked out by a guy whom she had just met that day at the Academy of Self Defense (ASD). Maybe Katrina hit him really hard and in a daze he saw how cute she was or maybe he finds girls in sparring gear really attractive? Interestingly, this is the second time someone has fallen for Katrina at ASD, which begs the question , is this where love happens?
Thinking back, I realized that there have been a lot of crushes that went on during my time at ASD. Katrina herself fell for someone at ASD once, and one of my better friends at the gym, Will, met his girlfriend there. To top it all off, Will just got engaged to that same girlfriend a couple of months ago at ASD!
When I went in to do Jiu Jitsu, I swear I was unknowingly caught up in a guy's attempt to impress a girl. While I was working with my girl partner, this random guy, Javier, came up and just took me down. At first I thought it was all in good fun, but when Javier took the girl aside and started showing her some moves, I realized that the take down was done to impress her. Even my instructor seemed to be in on it, and at one point told him to leave the girl alone. Perhaps Javier saw me as a threat, but whatever the reason, he continued to show off on me for the rest of the night! I even got flipped once! Despite getting completely destroyed that night, I have no ill will towards Javier because I learned a lot from him.
In short, if ASD is really where love happens, does this mean that if I stay there long enough I will find my next girlfriend?
-muffinman
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