I met Shirley a month ago, when she left me a comment on my oh so depressing blog post about my first day in San Francisco. Shirley wrote:
"I was trying to figure out a way to contact the writers of this blog, and went "forget it, I'll just comment on the newest post." Sorry this is irrelevant. But, I was googling information about the UCEAP Fudan program and landed here. I read through your blog and it's very fascinating! Also, I am from San Francisco, what a coincidence. If you need any help from a local, let me know. :)
Buuuut in exchange I'd like some information on Fudan please! :)
1. Which courses of JPIS would you recommend? Which did you take? Which should I avoid? (If you remember...)
2. So I'll be living in Tonghe, it seems. East, West, North, South which facing room has a better view?
3. Best bars, cafes, weekend spots, etcetera?
4. What advice would you give? What do you really wish you knew ahead of time?
5. Thank you so much for being awesome, sorry for commenting randomly (I would message if I could figure out how!)
Pop me an email: XXXXX@gmail.com
Please and thank you!"
I am always excited to get questions about China from strangers and this was extra special because it was from a UC student. However before committing to anything, I stalked the shit out of Shirley on Facebook. What I found was less than interesting. Shirley's profile picture was less than flattering, she was just a sophomore at UCSD and all signs suggested she was just another average Asian girl. At this point, I figured I could still use more friends in the city and since the questions that Shirley asked would have taken at least an hour to write out, I invited her out to coffee.
Our coffee meeting did not start off well, as Shirley pushed back the meeting time twice and on top of that gave me the address to the wrong La Boulange. To make matters worse, she had drowned her phone and was using her iTouch to communicate with me, which meant that she could get my texts only on wifi. After sorting everything out, we ended up meeting two and a half hours past the original scheduled time. What struck me when I spotted Shirley was that she looked nothing like her pictures on Facebook. In fact, I found her to be quite pretty!
Coffee started with some awkward introductions, but I soon warmed up a little and started spitting out the usual spiel about my time in Shanghai, while Shirley talked a bit about her life and study abroad aspirations. We sauntered around Chinatown a bit before ending up at Banana Republic for the start of her shift, where she shook my hand and noncommittally said "we should meet again." I returned a half serious confirmation. I walked away from that meeting thinking that Shirley was just going to be another one of those acquaintances. However, there was this nagging feeling that I should see her again and I just could not shake.
The second time I met up with Shirley, we grabbed drinks with Ashley and Jonathan. I secretly wanted Ashley and Jonathan's opinions on Shirley, to make sure I was not behaving irrationally. They loved Shirley, especially Ashley and that led to me taking Shirley to her first comedy club (Ashley waitresses there) where she ordered her first cocktail. We spent the night chatting away with the staff. It felt awesome to show Shirley a whole new side of San Francisco that she never saw growing up.
One night, I decided to take a closer look at Shirley's blog and was dumbstruck by how many of her posts were similar to mine. Every third or fourth post, I thought to myself "Wow I could have written that." The fascinating thing was that Shirley was encountering problems that I have had for years. Suddenly, Shirley got really interesting and I was determined to learn more about her. Shirley and I started meeting up two to three times a week as well as texting everyday. Trading stories with Shirley in my apartment at 2am in the morning after a late night walk on the Embarcadero remains one of best memories of San Francisco. These late night rendezvous would kill my productivity at work the next day, but it was always worth it.
The more I learned about Shirley, the more amazing she got and soon enough something clicked. I realized I was happy whenever I was with her and not just the usual fun happy I pass the time with, but rather a warmer happiness that I had been missing since I left Shanghai. As lame as it sounds, at times it became difficult not think about her and on long days, I missed her life stories, inquisitive questions and lame jokes. However, what I most admired about Shirley was how she dealt with problems that were so similar to mine. Facing down my own issues has left me jaded and cynical, but Shirley handles it with much grace, optimisim and heart. When I hear her talk about her experiences, I feel a little hope for myself.
Days before Shirley was to leave, I drove her back home after another late night hangout. Little did Shirley know that prior to meeting up with her, I had agonized for days over how to tell her how I felt about her. At that moment in the car, I decided it was do or die. I died. My courage faltered and I let Shirley leave without even a hug. My dissapointment in myself must have been written on my face because as Shirley left the car she told me not to look so sad and that she would be back from Shanghai soon. I passionately hated myself as I drove away.
Midway through the drive, I pulled out my phone and started composing a message to Shirley. I finished the message when I arrived back at the apartment, sat on my bed and just stared at it for ten minutes before holding my breath and pressing the send the button.
In the morning, the nervousness hit me in full force. I was a wreck at work as my thoughts kept drifting towards rejection. Keep in mind, the next day was the meeting that was going to decide my future at the company. That week should have been about me showcasing my best work, but suddenly finding a job seemed so easy compared to finding a girl I actually liked!
On Facebook, I saw that Shirley had commented on Ashley's status and that only made me panic more. "Why hasn't she responded to my text yet?! Is she ignoring me?! Was my text too awkward to respond to?!" and similar thoughts ran through my head. Finally, I got a response asking me if I meant a date date and after a few text exchanges Shirley said yes. Now, I was too happy to do any work.
We ended up going on a brunch date. The weather that day was the best I had seen since moving to the city, and I made the effort to wear a shirt to boot (a significant achievement when you have been only wearing t-shirts and jeans for 5 months). I arrived at the restaurant half an hour early, partly because I was determined for everything to go smoothly and also because I needed to finish up my farewell gift. Of course, Shirley came charastically late.
Things started off awkward when we were seated. I tried my best to create conversation, but there seemed to be something on Shirley's mind. She finally asked me, if thought this date would lead to anything. I smiled and said no and told her how I thought this date would be like all the other times we hung out but just more honest. After hearing that, Shirley relaxed and we talked and laughed as we had for the past month. It seems that Shirley had envisioned a very different answer, which would have then led to an awkward situation and a terination of our friendship. Somehow after brunch, we ended up in Japantown eating crepes with me repeatedly asking/pleading her to stay for 15 more minutes! When the bus came to take her home, there was no kissing or hand holding, just a simple hug. I tried my best to show my feelings when she walked away, but I am pretty sure I failed (curse the downsides of wearing your feelings on your sleeve).
Today, it's been exactly one week since Shirley left and yes, I do miss her (I'll never admit it if you asked though). However, I am not too torn up about her departure because I know she needs this trip to find herself. Also, I have this feeling that we will meet again, if not in 5 months then definitely in a year. It is just too much of a coincidence that I met someone so inspiring! Things simply cannot end so incompletely. However, no matter what happens though, this story is going to be a good one.
