... going to China next year because to be honest I do not really have anything here worth keeping. It has been fun these last (what will be) two years and I really would not trade it for anything, but I feel that at the end of the day it is all replaceable. Things like my awesome job and growing role in the UIS is great and a lot of fun, but I do not attach much value to them. After all these things are just material, and there is not much point to them since I do not have anyone to share it with.
Of course this is not to say that I do not have any friends here at SD, on the contrary, I seem to have a lot more than most people I know. The problem is just that all these friends do not mean very much to me. The experiences with my friends at SD are definitely something I treasure, but besides that they serve as nothing more than distractions to what would otherwise be a very monotonous college experience. I am not building any lasting friendships. After college, I do not think I will be having anything but a professional relationship with them, if any relationship at all.
Which is why I cannot help but think about leaving for China. Everything I do now seems so insignificant because I will be gone next year, and nobody will miss me. Save maybe a small legacy in a small club and a good work record, nothing will remain after a year. Friends may say they will miss me, but I doubt I am close enough to anyone here in SD for them to really care about me. Once the quarter starts, they will soon forget about me. When I come back from China, my friends in SD now will become nothing more than mere acquaintances.
This might sound depressing on the surface, but it is actually very liberating. Suddenly, I feel as if I can do anything because when I come back everything will reset and start over.
-muffinman
5 COMMENTS:
Actually, that is how I was when I got out of school... I felt everyone was such cinnamon buns and cotton candy. I never really had a deep connection with anyone in university either... except one person and we're falling apart also. I wouldn't relive my life again, there are so much more things to do after getting a BS.
I heard there weren't any postcards in China, but if you find one... can you mail it? (:
i don't know how i didn't see this post until now, but don't be so emo! you sound like me last quarter and you know how ridiculous i was being. if you think that way, it's just going to be a self-fulfulling prophecy. and just 'cause you can't always see people showing that they care on the outside doesn't mean that they don't! your friends will definitely miss you [i know i will; who's going to do muay thai with me and be blantantly honest about stuff? :(] when you come back from china, things will be better and you'll be able to catch up with your friends and that makes the reunion even better in the end. okay, i think that was a long enugh rant... so i'll end with: no worries, you are loved by many :) <3
emo.
but that last paragraph sounds good.
Sarah, things have only gotten worse since you stepped in.
-muffinman
Plus, it's what you make out of it. (:
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