Hey there.
I know I haven't written anything in a while, but, in my defense, there really was nothing to write about. I don't really live next to a financial district; I live close to a Bank of America. I don't bake banana cream pies for fun either; I eat store-bought, already-made-for-you food for fun.
For the past few weeks, I have been going to classes, attempting to do homework, and spending the little time I had left with my buds and budettes. Boy, I have to tell you though that it wasn't a picnic, watching my friends leave for college.
I felt sad and happy at the same time. I was happy because I would gain a little bit more time for myself, which isn't to say that my friends were a distraction. I'm sure you guys understand. You set a schedule, your friends call you up to hang out, and you say to hell with it and go hang out. There would be no reason to do that now that they were leaving. I would have time to do some reflecting, exploring, and more reflecting.
On the other hand, I felt terribly sad. I was going to miss their company, and more importantly, I was going to feel left behind. The summer was a lot of fun, and we definitely did some pretty cool shit this summer. One of the many not cool shit I managed to do this summer was convincing myself that my circumstances were normal with respect to everyone else's. I managed to convince myself that I was here for the summer like everyone else and wasn't any different. When it came time for my friends to leave, it hit me: I am not normal. I am taking a year off!
Of course I knew that. I knew it all along. I guess somewhere along the line I slowly began to give up on what I had set out to do. I really didn't know where to start, and all my reflecting seemed to wind up in viciously confusing circles that offered no solution. I started to depend on my friends as an escape from my problems, and when they left, I didn't have that escape anymore. Now, when I don't feel like thinking, I can't just hang out with my friends. I have to deal with my issues.
Haha, this sounds pretty bad, seeing as how I should have had this mentality to begin with. I was definitely scared to begin with, and I am not afraid to admit that this fear hasn't diminished. It is still very much alive in me today as it was the day I landed on West Coast soil.
I'm feeling about a thousand more subtle emotions that I can't really describe, but what a mind freak!! (just watched Criss Angel xP )
I am definitely going to miss you guys and girls. You know who you are.
Oh, I rewatched a part of The Last Samurai today and was really moved by something one of the characters said.
Higen: Will you fight the white men, too?
Captain Algren: Yes.
Higen: Why?
Captain Algren: Because they come to destroy what I have come to love.
If you don't remember, watch it. I teared up, but I also felt like kicking some white people ass!
-Robocop
