Dude, I'm Hella Noob

Last week I went to the NYU Career Fair. I felt pretty good about myself; even though I was sure that I wouldn’t get a job offer on the spot, much less an interview, I was getting an early start on networking with professionals.

After the event I went home and sent them a thank you letter for coming out to the career fair. I sent everyone I talked to that day an e-mail, but only one person replied back. Up till now I had been thinking, “Wow, these guys are either too busy to say ‘you’re welcome’ or they’re real douchebags to not even recognize my thanks.” At least, I thought so until I went back into my “sent” emails folder and was horrified to find this:

Dear Ms. -----,

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me at the NYU Career Fair on Thursday. I realize it must have been hectic all day in the midst of so many students seeking jobs and I certainly appreciate your time and attention.

I will certainly take to heart the advice you have given me and take it with me going forward. Although it is unfortunate that Credit Suisse does not currently have a program more tailored to sophomores, I will be sure to inquire more on Credit Suisse next year when I can apply to PiperJaffray (An investment bank that is NOT Credit Suisse).

In the future, I am certain my experiences at the Stern School of Business will enhance the analytical skills I need to be a successful intern at Credit Suisse and my appetite and enthusiam in learning about finance will make me a valuable asset to your program. My can-do attitude in all aspects of life, whether it be schoolwork or my extra-curriculars, I am sure will also help me in the workplace.Thank you again for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, Emoinacloset

Here's another one, this time sent to someone from Barclays Capital:

Dear Mr. ------,

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me at the NYU Career Fair on Thursday. I realize it must have been hectic all day in the midst of so many students seeking jobs and I certainly appreciate your time and attention.

You were extremely thorough in explaining Barclays Capital's Summer Intern Program. Based on what I have learned through my talk with you along and other research I have done, I am even more certain that I would be a good fit for Barclays Capital.

I am certain my experiences at the Stern School of Business have enhanced the analytical skills I need to be a successful intern at UBS (Again, NOT Barclays Capital) and my appetite and enthusiam in learning about finance will make me a valuable asset to your program. My can-do attitude in all aspects of life, whether it be schoolwork or my extra-curriculars, I am sure will also help me in the workplace and in being a productive member of Barclays Capital.

Thank you again for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, Emoinacloset

As you can see, I basically copied and pasted the same material to each e-mail, and in doing so, some of those names I was supposed to change slipped past me.

Fuck my life.

-Emoinacloset