Another day and another meeting with HR about how I am getting let go. My three weeks on wondering when I was going to let go after hearing a rumor from a coworker finally ended today.
I really do not know how to feel about it. On the one hand, this sets me up perfectly for moving to Malaysia, as I will be able to draw unemployment pay. On the other hand, it hurts my pride and confidence to know that I was not able to make it through a year at yet another company.
I have to admit that in hindsight, it was a mistake to join this agency. I never really gave myself a chance to succeed, as I hated it from day one since it lacked everything that I loved about startups. The people were there for a paycheck, the work was uninspiring and coupled with the fact that I was on a team that I really did not have an interest in, made it all the more of a clusterfuck. I disdained the agency all the more as it kept referring to itself as a startup and was in the business of building products, two things that they were obviously not. Everything just felt so damn fake all the time.
My work was suffering as I was not used to working in such detail with spreadsheets. Then I was randomly put on a performance improvement plan by the COO, even when my own manager told me he thought the whole thing was BS. After that episode, things really went downhill as I felt betrayed by the company and unable to trust any upper management.
I started trying to be as fake as the company, but I guess I was not very good at it since my superiors cited a "lack of passion" as a reason for me being let go. Little did they know my "lack of passion" went as far as telling my fellow peons how much of a shit show I thought the whole place was on a daily basis. The best part is that my coworkers agreed with me on most of it.
As time progressed at the agency, I felt more and more like I had been lied to during my interview. The COO promised me great training and instead I just got a bunch of menial tasks as the people who knew what they were doing were too busy to teach. Worst of all, many of my most prized skills such as curiosity, creativity and copywriting were regressing. I did learn a ton more about excel, so I guess that is the one thing I was able to get out my stint there. I was told that the culture was great, but all I saw in my department was a lot of backstabbing and bad mouthing. Great culture to the exec team, was apparently just having a bunch of people who drank a lot and kegs in the office. What a let down.
After all this bitching, I guess the question that I have to answer is - What's next? This is of course, if I do not move to Malaysia and start that instant noodle ecommerce company. If not that, then is it startups again, which I miss dearly, or do I try to work at a big company? Do I retrain to become a developer?
I feel a bit lost, but I'm excited for the possibilities ... and unemployment insurance.
Wish me luck,
muffinman
