It is hard to imagine that I first came to San Francisco on a $1,750 per month salary. It's hard to even think I survived off my $30,000 full time salary. I wonder how I ever made ends meet in those days.
However, with more money comes more problems. My $80,000 salary though much, much higher than I ever hoped to make straight out of school feels inadequate. This is partly because I am in constant fear of losing my job and as a result am trying to save as much money as possible for unemployment. However, no amount I save seems enough and the thought of not have $10K in my bank account is depressing. Sometimes, I think I am collecting money for the sake of it, as if those ever increasing numbers on my ATM receipt are all that I need in the world.
The other half of the equation is just that it really just does not feel like enough money! When you have developer friends that make six figures, your high salary suddenly doesn't feel that high anymore. In fact, it feels downright inadequate. Never mind that $80K is more than the median household income in the United States (hint, that's with TWO people working under one roof).
The funny thing is, as much as I want more money, I have no idea what I would do with it. Already, I am having problems spending more than half of my current salary. The problem is that I still have this mentality of earning $30K a year and as a result I still try to keep all my meals around $10. I have splurged twice on meals and drinks over the last two weeks, but that doesn't seem like it is going to be trend. I have a sudden interest in purchasing non-Ikea furniture, but I still balk at price tags that exceed $200. All in all, I am still pretty frugal as half of my salary goes to savings. So why am I so obsessed about getting more money?
I told my friend Linda when I got laid off that all I wanted to do was make a lot of money, then I would be set and could enjoy life. I told her that I was tired of being broke and that making a lot would change everything. Well, it turns out when the first paycheck hit my bank account, my world wasn't turned upside down, it didn't make me happy and worst of all, I was still worrying about money.
This has led me to ask if there a magic amount that I can earn that will let me stop worrying about money? I want "fuck you" money so that I can focus on other things in my life.
I hope this is the right way to think about life.
